I know I’ve mentioned it before but it has come up again recently because a lot of people are commenting on FB how their parents died ‘x’ years ago and they still miss them. I get it — people who had fantastic relationships (or even adequate or mediocre relationships) sometimes wish those people were still around. I wish I had had that kind of relationship with my parents where I might one day miss them in my life.

I lost my parents in 1969. My father died in 1987 and my mother died in 1993. Virtually every time I had to be around either of them, it was uncomfortable and toxic. I did not miss them when they were alive and do not miss them even now.

What triggered me this morning is that several people say they can no longer hear their parents’ voices in their heads — they’ve forgotten what their parents sound like. I haven’t. I don’t remember their ‘voice sounds’, but I remember their words and phrases and inflections, and that’s when I can hear their voices. I also hear my grandmother’s laugh.