HomeFamilyIn 1933…


In 1933… — 2 Comments

  1. I feel you. My mother is a narcissist who had an alcoholic mother. I never had a real relationship with her, and the guilt is tremendous. If I had been a better child, more understanding, blah blah. Did you ever blame yourself? For being unloveable, not good enough, etc? Even as an adult I still struggle with all these emotions on top of also being bipolar. I’m sorry your childhood was so messed up!!! 🙁

    • Thanks. Yes, I used to have a lot of guilt, confusion, and self-doubt. After I got into Adult Children of Alcoholics, the veil lifted a bit and I could see how I’d been manipulated all through my years with her.

      After I’d been in ACoA for a couple years she called (which she did every couple of years) and for some reason I mentioned I’d been going to ACoA/Al-Anon, and she started to make some comment about “That’s good. Your father was ….” and I zoned out. Yes, my father was awful when he was drinking around her and they would fight, but most of my ACoA issues were with her. But, in her mind, she’d done no wrong and was merely a victim of everyone else being mean to her or whatever.

      Screw that b.s.! I still have issues (duh!), but I’m a survivor. Whatever positive life lessons I missed out on as a kid, I just make it up as I go.

      I thoroughly dislike the general 12-Step principles about Higher Power and the other steps. But I did learn a lot there… like, “Just because she picks up the drink, I don’t have to pick up the drunk.” I’m not the Jackass Whisperer, and I can’t fix the world.