The issue here is not whether the feds should decide on marriage for every state.
But if marriage is a states’ rights issue, the feds should be compelled to honor each state’s decision. That’s why they have to get rid of DOMA.
The feds have a set of rights and privileges and responsibilities that kick into place when a marriage occurs. The feds don’t get to decide WHO can get married, but once a state determines their marriage laws, the feds should treat every marriage within that state equally. There is no reason, other than DOMA, why a straight married couple in New York is treated differently from a gay married couple.
I don’t understand why this is such a difficult concept for people to understand.