Category Archives: Health shit

Time is running down

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by 1

Time is getting ever-closer for surgery, and I am getting increasingly antsy and anxious.

Thanks to my daughter’s clever brain, I went online and paid all my regular monthly bills that will come due while I’m in hospital or rehab. Two of them I normally pay online, but the other two I get a print out, write a check and mail them because the water board and the gas company both charge a few bucks for online payment. And the notices for them won’t come out for a few days, so I was fretting about missing them and then having a late payment getting mailed out.

So, anyway, I got the monthly bills paid early. And I washed my bedsheets. My instructions are to shower Monday night, then use a special cleanser solution on my chest and abdomen area (without mixing with soap), sleep on clean bedding, then get up and do the shower and cleansing routine again just before going to the hospital. And I’m not supposed to sleep with pets. 🙁

So, I’ve done all that I could do, so far as I know. I did get a new supply of the blood pressure medication so my b.p. will be adequately lowered until the surgery. I have my Rx medications list printed out for the hospital to use, as well as my supply of meds all packed neatly and ready to carry with me in case I will need them.

I have clean pajama pants and safety socks (with anti-slip dots on them), plus a few extra underpants to wear in the hospital. I also have a button-up nightshirt in case I get to cover up more fully than with the stupid hospital gowns, but we’ll see how that goes.

I have a map printed out for Donna to find the hospital and get me there on time.

I don’t know what else to do in order to prepare at this point. Tomorrow I have a liquid-only diet, plus Dulcolax in the morning and an enema before bed, and nothing by mouth on Tuesday morning. But they did say I could have a small amount of water to take my medications, but no insulin since I won’t be eating on Tuesday. Once I’m there, the hospital is supposed to monitor my blood glucose and food, except I won’t be actually eating for a couple of days — I’ll have a gastro tube up my nose and into my stomach for a couple days. Ohhhh goodie!!! (not!)

I finished David’s hat, so I started fidgeting a shawl. I don’t know if I’ll have Donna bring it to me later or not. The surgeon said I won’t feel like doing ANYthing for a few days, anyway, so I won’t take it with me. I will try to take my phone with me, although that is discouraged since phone activity can interfere with hospital electronics and stuff. I don’t know. Once I get out of SICU and into a regular hospital room, it will be nice to be able to post on Facebook once in a while. Anyway, I don’t even know if I’ll ever finish this. It is a fidget project to occupy my hands and mind while I wait to go to the hospital, just random stitch patterns, no goal in mind or anything, randomly changing as the mood hits. . I also plan to take a pad of paper and some pens in case I want to write or draw or something. I’d rather have it available and not use it than to want it and not have it.

So that’s how it is on this Day Before The Day Before surgery. Or Surgery Eve Eve. Whatever.

You wait until NOW to tell me??

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by  

Awwrighty then, so we learned early yesterday that my surgery was moved forward a day.

And I learned in mid-December that I had an aneurysm on my aorta. Last Friday (a week ago), I learned it is not “an” aneurysm, but multiple trouble spots.

And I’ve talked with or seen multiple people in multiple offices and discussed various aspects of this surgical visit multiple times.

So, last night around 7:30, p.m. …. Friday, the last business day before a 3-day weekend, and my surgery is Tuesday morning of the first business day after the long weekend … so Friday evening the hospital calls to finalize my registration. And to announce…….

“And your co-pay will be $500.00, you can pay that when you come in on Tuesday.”

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

You wait until the last possible minute to spring this on me? How many seniors just happen to have that much money lying around and ready to pay a medical bill on short notice?

If they had told me, at the start of this process, that i would have a large co-pay, I would have asked, “What will happen if I choose not to treat this?”

As it happens, through a surprise benefactor last week who made contact through an intermediary to preserve their anonymity, I will be able to cover this co-pay, so y’all don’t need to open a GoFundMe. At least not just yet. I have no other what other surprises may be coming.

But it just galls me how the American medical system works. And how many people would be forced to skip necessary treatment because they don’t personally have the funds to pay for it?

Well, that was surreal

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by  

This morning my daughter came by to drive me to the bank, and on the way back we stopped at Walmart (YUCK) to get a cheap pair of slippers to wear at the hospital and rehab. Most of their offerings were cheap tacky plastic shit with slick bottoms, not slip-resistant. Then we went around a corner and she found something else. I was sitting on a little bench and she was digging through a display of slippers. And I suddenly flashed back to a time when the kids were sitting still while I tried to find something to fit them. Today the tables were turned and I felt very small and vulnerable as my daughter became the grown-up helping me find slippers. It was only a split-second of time, but it dawned on me how things have changed. Strange. I’m not ready to be old and vulnerable, needing regular care. I will be so glad when this shit is over and I can get back to more normal activity and some semblance of vitality.

I’m still here.

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by  

The last few days have been sort of intense for me, and I’ve not been diligent in posting. Partly because it’s sort of boring posting the same thing every day — my daily finger-stick numbers are going to fluctuate and I don’t need to freak out or get super-excited when the numbers are noticeably good or bad. And partly because my blood pressure is fluctuating, mostly because of changes in the blood pressure meds to keep it really low to protect the aorta until after surgery. And partly because I’ve been using a nicotine patch instead of smoking — I deliberately ran out of cigarettes on Tuesday and switched to patches. I know what it’s like having to sneeze or cough after abdominal surgery, and this upcoming surgery is waaayyyy more involved than the hernia surgeries I had back in 1997. I figure putting the cigarettes aside early would help me deal with the surgery better. I’m not yet committed to actually quitting smoking forever and ever, just not smoking for now and we’ll see how it goes.

There was a nice thing yesterday — I had decided that Saturday would be the last planned shipping day for getting yarns out until I am able to get back to dyeing again. There weren’t very many remaining, anyway, but getting them moved out would mean a few extra dollars in my pocket and I would be able to start fresh when I do get to start working again. And so all the yarns that could be sold have been sold. So, yayyy.

I tried to go to bed at 10:00 this evening, but it’s now after midnight and I’m still awake. I lay in bed an hour and a half, but finally had to admit defeat and got out of bed.

The upcoming surgery is looming over my head — it will be on Wednesday. But there is prep work I have to do on Tuesday. And there are things I’ll need to do on Monday. It just feels like every day until then will require some other new thing from me. And I get cranky and anxious. Probably understandable, of course, so I am trying to take it all in stride. But holy shit this isn’t easy, when there are still everyday things to do as well — laundry, dishes, feeding myself, and all the rest. And trying to get the house in some sort of order so that when I come home it won’t all be a chaotic mess. This would all be more tolerable (I won’t say ‘easier’), if I didn’t live alone. On the other hand, I would probably be a horrible person to live with if there was someone else here.

Oh well. I guess I’ll try to go back to bed soon. I just ate a spoon of peanut butter, so maybe that will help.

Well, shit!!!

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by 3

Since my number was so low this afternoon, and I’d been feeling soooooo bad, I did another finger-stick. What the fuck?? 218??? I’m so confused! Well, I’ll have my before-dinner insulin and eat a little something.

Screwy numbers again!

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by  

Ate the remainder of a fried chicken breast and a drumstick at noon. Just did the mid-afternoon (2 hours post-lunch) finger-stick — 103! That’s a great number.

I’m sort of craving a delicious Pompeii Salad from Iguana Joe’s, but I’ve noticed my numbers after one of those aren’t the best they could be.

later….

an hour after the afternoon reading, I’d been lying down. I got up to fix a tuna-and-cheese sandwich and I felt sooo weak and trembly. I got the sandwich eaten and kept it down, but holy shit I feel so bad this evening. I’ll need to take the pre-dinner insulin and then eat something. Probably a frozen dinner or pot pie. But damn I feel like shit. 🙁

Must I get up?

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by  

Weird night. Slept about 4 hours (off-and-on), get up for an hour and a half, went back to bed, woke around 6:00. Did a finger-stick (155! OMG!) and I don’t remember feeling this ‘ready-to-go-back-to-bed’ on rising in ages.

Yesterday I noticed I was generally feeling quite well indeed. Not so today. Dull and groggy.

I realize some of my ailments, like the lower bowel and the blood sugar issues are improving. But I saw the CT diagram of my aorta the other day at the doctor’s office — it is worse than I’d imagined, and there is a reason the doctor has me on meds to significantly lower my blood pressure and keep me ‘calm’ or ‘inactive’. So regardless what I feel like, I really am trying to NOT do much of anything that doesn’t actually need doing. And to know I will be mostly inactive for another six weeks after surgery is really annoying. At least it is annoying for now as I anticipate it; I suspect once the surgery is done and I am in pain, I probably won’t feel like doing much, at least for a few weeks.

And, as much as I thoroughly dislike the idea of going to rehab, if Medicare will pay for it I am seriously considering it. From what I hear, they will have various PT/OT activities to more thoroughly encourage me toward safely returning to activity. I suppose that is better than vegging out in front of binge-TV or something, and I won’t be staring daily at yarns and shit that need to eventually be dealt with.

Starting the week

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by  

Well, yesterday may have been a one-off day for the numbers. My finger-stick this morning is 118. That’s still okay. Someone suggested eating a small amount of carbs-plus-protein before bed to help regulate the morning fasting finger-stick numbers. I have a LOT left to learn about all this stuff.

Okay, the afternoon finger-stick was 158. Not bad, within range.

I have come to the conclusion that adding another blood pressure medicine is having the effect of slowing me down. It is difficult for me to stir up motivation to do much of anything, and napping is a favorite activity.

Kroger brand sliced cheddar is not nearly as wonderful as Tillamook brand cheddar slices. Pity. The store was out of Tillamook last time I bought cheese. But either way, a quarter slice of cheese (carefully cut) is just the right size to sit on a Triscuit. A “serving” of Triscuits is 6 crackers. So I have a little more than a serving plus 2 slices of cheese, which makes a marvelous afternoon snack with protein and whole grain. Ideally, I would stack a Triscuit, a tiny bit of tuna salad, a 1/4 slice of cheese, and a neatly cut 1/2 of a cherry tomato. But that’s almost a meal.

I just ordered 2 more pair of pajama pants but I have no pajama tops. It will be difficult wearing t-shirts for a few weeks, but if the temperature isn’t too bad I can just wear a bathrobe, I suppose.

A new low?

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by  

Well, first off, I failed to take complete notes last night, but I know I took my insulin and I know I ate a normal dinner.

And then I slept mostly fairly well during the night; roughly two hours awake in the middle, but when I was in bed I was asleep. BigBoy was mostly in his normal spot, but he did experiment taking other positions, including coming up to knead on my shoulder a bit.

In recent days, I have taken to whistling for BigBoy later in the evening. He used to come in of his own accord after the afternoon meal, but the sun would be up and he’d spend long hours inside overnight. Last night I went out to collect the food bowl around 8:00 or 8:30-ish, and he was huddled by the front door ready to come in for the night. Perhaps we’re starting a new pattern…?

I finally dragged my ass out of bed around 7:15, put BigBoy and the food bowl on the porch and did my finger-stick. WHAT!!?? Only 89?? Are you kidding? I don’t think I’ve been down in the double digits before. And I can’t imagine what I did yesterday that contributed to such a low number. Not that I’m complaining, just incredibly curious.

It is currently just 38ºF this morning, and I am certainly feeling it. Yuck.

Yesterday Donna moved the heavy microwave (“this isn’t heavy”) to an electrical outlet that works in the living room. That will make my life easier, since I won’t have to use the oven and heavy cast iron pans right away after surgery. And I have loads of goodies in the freezer that should be there when I get home.

It is hard for me to resign myself to just lying on a bed after surgery. Sure, they all say I won’t feel like doing anything right away, but even so it is hard to wrap my head around letting go of everything for a while. I suppose I need that revelation, and I am pretty sure when it is happening and after it is over I will be just fine. But at 65 years old, I have not spent any real time in hospitals (not counting tonsillectomy when I was very young, and 2 days in sick bay with German measles in the Air Force), so I don’t have personal experience to draw from regarding being in that sort of limbo. I do count myself fortunate, since many people spend their lives in and out of hospitals for a variety of things. My lack of experience in this regard means I am less informed than others.

Post-Katrina was a different sort of limbo, and I was in an altered reality, but so was everyone else around me, and we just got busy doing what we needed to do to survive the experience.

Amazing how much goes through my head these days.

Later on.. what a weird day it is being. I added the second blood pressure medicine last night, but I can’t imagine it would make this much difference, but maybe it does.

Anyway, besides sleeping relatively well last night, I’ve been lightly dozing off and on through the day, and in my body I feel so much better than in recent weeks or months, as if there is some new sort of ‘okay-ness’ about all of this and things will work out just fine.

I just did my afternoon finger-stick — 92! What the actual fuck? Ninety-two?? How?? Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased to see such low numbers, especially for the afternoon reading, but i don’t know what exactly has made the difference today.

O’course, it doesn’t change the fact that my aorta is fucked up and I’m about to be having surgery that will screw with my days and nights for a couple more months before I’m actually better. But it feels like, just for today, that ‘nothing much actually matters.’ If that makes any sense.