Category Archives: At Home

Another Month Begins

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by  

Later this month I will turn 69 years old. Rather daunting to think of it because I didn’t think I’d even make it this far. But a lot of people on both my mother’s and father’s sides lived well up into their 80s, and my dad’s cousin is in his 90s now. Both of my parents, of course, died younger than I am now (Dad at 64 and Mother at 60), but I think my genetics will allow me to go a little longer.

At various times in the past I have had to ask for help along the way, either to help me get yarn or to make ends meet. And several friends have come through and helped me. Plenty of times I would have been homeless or facing mounting bills, but several recent factors happened in a short period of time and I discovered I would not and could not cover my monthly bills, all of which are due within the coming week. Part of this was due to the shuffle with my yarn supplier — the original owners retired and a different company absorbed most of the original owner’s operation (another company absorbed most of the rest of the operation); another part is that yarn sales have been slow; and another (huge) part was this past summer’s excessive heat.

Both my gas and my electric services are on “balanced billing” – each monthly bill fluctuates somewhat, but the billing is averaged out over the prior 12 months. Normally this helps the consumer have a better grasp of their expenses month to month. Here in southeast Texas, they add a special surcharge during the months of high usage. Before I signed up for balanced billing, my electric bill would be $70 to $90 in the cooler months, and spike to a few hundred dollars when it was hot and the a/c was running. Because of my fluctuating income, I’d go hungry in the summer months (not literally, but limited groceries at times), so balanced billing definitely helped. This past summer, starting in about May, we stayed at 100º or more for daytime highs for several months, hardly dropping down into the mid-80s over night. My a/c ran without pause from May until just a few weeks ago. My current bill (just over $385.00) is a reflection of what my electric bill will look like as the high temps of summer (and high use of the a/c) get balanced into my monthly bills. I am seriously dreading it.

After looking at what I have on hand (both cash in the bank and yarns available to sell) and the amount of money I have to pay out soon, there’s no way I could make it. So I had little choice but to put it out on FB that I need help in a big way. And thankfully several people did help, so I will be able to cover the biggest of my utility bills right away, and the rest from next weekend’s yarn sales.

The issue with my yarn supplier has settled and that looks fairly stable going forward. I’ve cut my cable/internet bill by cutting off the cable (gotta keep the Internet, of course), and there are other things I can do that will help in the long run. I had to sell the collection of quilting fabrics that I had cut and prepared for some projects. That made me sad, but oh well — there will always be other fabrics, once I have the time and space and other things needed to actually piece a quilt properly. Yes, of course I could do it by hand like generations before me used to do, but … UGH!

With rising costs for just about everything, I’m not sure how long this is sustainable in the long run. I’m getting to an age where I can’t still be constantly stressed about money and basic living expenses. Even now it is difficult, but with help I’ve been able to manage. Without that help, though, I’d be up shit creek without a paddle, many times over. I am very much indebted to those who have helped, and hope to be able to return the favor in some form or fashion.

What I need to do is find a sustainable consistent income of an additional $1,000 a month. This, along with my little Social Security, would keep me housed, fed, and current on utilities. But prices keep going up, so eventually I would need to create even more consistent income, and I honestly don’t know how to make that happen.

I do enjoy putting color onto yarn, even though I don’t always relish the pre-dye and post-dye processes, which take far more time and energy than the actual dyeing. And I do feel somewhat ‘stuck’ because I’m not reaching enough people to buy the yarns I do dye.

I’ll figure it out, one way or another, of course. But I hate feeling dependent on others just to get by. Everything in my life is a result of where I’ve been the last 68 years, but most of my current troubles are largely due to my own poor choices at various turns. Not that I would have, could have, or should have made different choices; I’m just saying I’m not a perpetual victim of circumstances completely beyond my control, so I can’t be dependent on others to rescue me.

Where the hell did 2023 go?

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Well, this is weird. It seems the year is nearly gone, and I have failed to keep up my personal blog pages and posts.

WordPress has been updating and I’ve lost my way in the latest interface. That sucks. I don’t like this.

I’ll have a think or two about this and come back later.

Well, it’s been a while, eh?

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

Okay, so I’ve been seriously slacking off on my personal blog posts. Mostly I post stuff on Facebook, and usually lots of small posts each day. I really need to update the personal blog, though, since not everything needs to go on Facebook.

What could have been 8 or 10 or 12 years ago, I mentioned on Facebook that I didn’t have adequate pockets on my gym shorts and sweat pants – either no pockets at all or such skimpy little pockets my keys would fall out. I have a ‘thing’ about keeping my keys on me at all times, so it was a problem for me.

Someone on my Friendlist sent me a marvelous little product called a RooSport — a small pocket device with a magnetic flap that you could attach to the waistband of your shorts so the pocket part was inside your shorts and the flap went over and attached to itself with magnets. The pocket had a little hook-and-loop closure. If I remember correctly, my friend had gotten it free as some sort of promotional and maybe even prototype product. She didn’t need it, so she sent it to me.

I have used it almost daily to keep my keys on me at all times, except when I was wearing regular pants with regular pockets. It has become an essential part of my daily wardrobe, I guess, and I have gotten much use out of it.

Recently, however, I felt a poking on my hip and discovered the inner plastic form had come loose. Ouch.

Call me crazy, but getting poked like that is just not acceptable. So, I went online and discovered that this original product is not available, but RooSport is still very much a thing. You can visit their website to see how the product has been improved. The don’t have the original model, so I ordered the smallest one available, and just received it this morning. It is larger than the original, and I don’t carry my phone or wallet in the Roo, just the keys. But I’m happy to have a replacement now and grateful for the many years of service I got from the original. 🙂

And with that, I am off into the day to take care of what needs doing.

New Things to See!

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

Two days ago, on Tuesday, I had cataract surgery on both eyes. I am still in the adjustment and healing period, which includes resting my eyes, restricting certain activities, and taking special medication (eyedrops).

I had not been much aware of a cataract developing in my left eye because my right eye had gotten so bad and blurry, but the last time it was checked, my optometrist told me the left was also bad. Most everyone I have talked with said they had one eye done, and then the other eye done in a few weeks or a month later. My ophthalmologist said he’s done several people getting both eyes done the same day. I told him I live alone and I was concerned about being able to heal properly with having both eyes done the same time, and he told me I would be fine.

I have always done things in a “do it all now” fashion. I had all four wisdom teeth removed the same day. I had carpal tunnel surgery on both hands/wrists the same day. I had bilateral inguinal hernias done the same day — and then had to repeat it both sides a month later. So, it wasn’t unusual for me to consider having both eyes done. This was taken just after I got home from the surgery. I look a bit of a mess, eh?

Picture of me after cataract surgery.

So now it’s been 2 days, I only have to wear the shields at night for 5 more nights (7 nights total), and then follow a diminishing schedule for the eyedrops.

I have worn glasses since 7th grade, when I was about 11 or 12 years old. I should have had glasses 3 years earlier, in 4th Grade, but my mother didn’t believe the school when they said I could not see. It was the 7th Grade when the Electric Shop teacher said he would have me expelled if I didn’t get glasses, and then my parents got serious about it. They got me a pair of glasses finally; just one pair. And my next pair of glasses was when I hit Air Force Basic Training. They were ugly, dark-rimmed glasses, but the difference in corrected vision was astounding.

(On a side note, I also never saw a dentist until I got my duty station in Athens, Greece. My parents never took me to a dentist, ever.)

It is interesting to be noticing things round the house I haven’t really noticed before — cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling, parts of the floor that need vacuumed or swept. Since I was told not to bend over or lift more than 10 pounds for 7-10 days, I’m not going to be working, but I might be spending time sprucing up the place more than I have been. I’ve never been the most fastidious housekeeper, but suddenly noticing things better now might change that.

It is only the second day since the surgery, and I am supposed to be resting my eyes. I have until early January before I see the doctor again to see about new glasses or whatever. I will be able to work after next weekend. I have some new generic reading glasses arriving on Saturday which should help in the meantime.

Another Week Begins

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So, it is a Sunday, and I can’t remember all that I’ve written. There is a lot of stuff I intended to write, started to write, meant to write, but I don’t recall all the things I’ve actually written and finished and posted.

A couple weeks ago I was sorting through pictures, which stirred up some memories for me. And I’ve read dozens of posts on Facebook from other people talking about holidays with their family of origin.

As many of us have come to realize, the public portrait of Christmas With The Family is pretty much a whitewashed façade, a bullshit public face to cover what’s actually happening inside, a fancy veneer over cheap materials. People follow traditions partly because it feels good and familiar to them, which is fine. But following traditions just to appease a previous generation is uncomfortable and out-of-touch with modern times, and it is not necessary. It is totally okay to discard the traditions that are more trouble than they are worth or don’t have meaning for the people involved. It is fine to create new traditions among the people actually present in our lives. It is also fine to not even try to create new traditions, but do some new thing each holiday season. Do things you enjoyed doing in previous years or explore some new things.

It Does Not Matter. We have heard the saying that tradition is just peer pressure from dead people.

Onward —

We are pressing into the so-called winter season, but weather the last week or two has been a crazy ride up and down the thermometer. Up into the 80s (record-breaking for this area), then down into the upper 30s or low 40s, somewhat below average temperatures for this time of year. My body is not liking the roller coaster weather.

I have been trying to remember to take a little 30-minute walk, a mile or so, every few days. I will take a walk today, since it is supposed to be sunny but cool. Tomorrow will be a little warmer but cloudy. I don’t like cloudy days. Hard to get motivated some days, and it hurts a lot to walk like I used to.

It is barely 4:00a.m. here. BigBoy was inside for the evening and was stirring on the bed. I thought he wanted to go out, so I got up and he trotted along with me, but he only got as far as his indoor food and water. I waited for him to finish, thinking he would head for the door. Nope. He went on back to bed, and I’m wide awake. Cheeky boy.

Sorting through pictures

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Because I had a sort of free day, I took advantage of the situation to go through picture boxes. It took me over four hours, but I sorted pictures into piles for each of my kids, my brother and one of my sisters. When possible I wrote names, dates, and places on the backs, as appropriate.

I also found my report card from Fifth Grade. I was an average student, with As and Bs in Language, Spelling, and Arithmetic, with Cs and then Bs in most other subjects. The one check mark (indicating needs improvement) was in completing work on time. Report cards had spaced for parents to write their own comments. For the first reporting period, Mother wrote this:

Although we can help [Ray] with some basics (flash cards, reading aloud) about the only way we can help his study habits here at home is to continue to foster a general sense of responsibility. The most important aspect of his development is his current willingness to participate at all. Having always before been completely withdrawn, hehas begun to show a willingness to communicate only in recent months. Under your leadership this tendency has progressed much faster than we expected.

I was barely 10 years old at first grading period of that school year. It was also the first year I was eligible to join Glee Club, which I enjoyed. And it was my first year having a male teacher, Mr. Carl Fuchs. Reading Mother’s note tells me what I’ve long suspected, or at least underscores it — that I grew up somewhere on the spectrum and remained undiagnosed. In my school days the term Mother often used was that I was “not living up to my potential.” My IQ scores in 5th grade were very high (148), which has nothing to do with my ability to interact with others.

My parents’ concept of instilling a ‘general sense of responsibility’ was to assign household chores including some rather contrived tasks; like, that year I was made responsible for sweeping the driveway and front walkway, every morning before school. Who the fuck takes a push broom and sweeps the driveway every fucking morning? And because it had paving similar to the street, it was asphalt and didn’t sweep as easily as the concrete front walkway. Also, two or three times a week, I’d come home from school and find one or more loads of laundry dumped on my bed, which I had to fold before being allowed to play with the neighborhood kids or do any homework that I brought home (which was rare, as I recall). So, when other kids were playing after school, I had chores. My brother got to hang out with his friends, but I was often told “If your friends wanted to play they would call or come over; go to your room and find something constructive to do.” In all my school years, I can only remember two or three times anyone came over to play with me. More often I went to other kids’ homes to play. And since Mother was often drinking, my home wasn’t a place I really wanted to invite anyone over to anyway.

Whatever socializing problems I have, I suspect much of it was given to me early on, long before I had a sense of the actual dynamics involved.

I didn’t spend a lot of time reminiscing through the pictures. Mostly I just wanted to go through them and get them sorted. The project has been nagging at me for several years, and I’m glad it is done.

The Day After

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After yesterday’s painful walk, I took an exhausted nap for about an hour at mid-day, and then was feeling sleepy long before 10:00, but I stay up until just after 10:00 and slept until 6:00 (with a brief bathroom break round 3:00). A long sleep was nice, but I woke with both my thumb and middle finger locked and hurting. This is not a good thing, of course, since I didn’t really do much yesterday that would have caused them to hurt. It’s not arthritis but the trigger joints.

I am also feeling rather stiff-and-sore from yesterday’s walk, so I may be moving a little slower today.

It was warmer than normal yesterday, but it is 43º this morning after the cold front moved through yesterday afternoon. Br-r-r-r. I am unamused. I have dyeing to do today, so running the steamer will help a little to keep the place warmer.

O’course, in order to get the dyeing started, I have to thaw out and get my insulin, breakfast, and morning meds done first. So, off I go to start the day.

Changing the Clocks Again

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Well, good Sunday morning to you, I suppose.

I stayed up to watch the new Mrs. Miracle movie with some other actress playing the role Doris Roberts played so well. It was “okay”, but really sort of preaching in a rather smarmy way. But anyway, I’d already changed the clocks back, so it was only 10:30-ish when I toddled off to bed, and then around 4:30 when I woke. So that’s about 6 hours, except that after an hour and a half in bed with strange dreams I got up and took a couple ibuprofen.

When I did wake again the trigger joints in my right thumb and middle finger were both popping. Damn it.

Thankfully, neither joint is causing significant pain, but they’re cause by inflammation of the sheath through which the tendon passes. All of this trigger joint bullshit started after I power-crocheted the shawl for my daughter. And then after the first cortisone shot I knitted the gray shawl (which I oddly can’t remember if I gave it away or store it here until the winter), and I had more pain afterwards and then took another cortisone shot.

Knowing that handwork aggravates the tendon or sheath, I have been actively avoiding handwork. It makes is sad because I have yarns purchased for a special project and I’ve been afraid to do those projects. I’ve not knitted or crocheted in more months than I can remember now. Later today I will try again to do something because I really really want to do this next project.

I am grateful that the summer heat is over, but later in the coming week the temperature is supposed to go up a little. Last week I walked to and from Kroger, and I will likely do it again later this morning. Technically I have enough food, but there are some things I should stock up on (toilet paper, peanut butter, etc.). And it will be good to get the fresh air, sunshine, and exercise. Right now it is about 48º, but should warm to around 72º later today.

Later —-

Made it to Kroger and back; got what I needed. I took a rest when I got there, and then also paused at my regular rest area. I’d only gone a short space after that when Walter drove by and offered a ride. He hefted both my heavy shopping bags and the big walker into the back of his truck. And, of course, Ginger was in the cab of the truck so I got some ear-licking loving from her.

BigBoy was on the ramp when we pulled up. He seemed a little miffed that I didn’t bring home a box of chicken (they didn’t have any ready at Kroger). Or maybe it was because he saw me get out of a strange truck smelling like Ginger. I dunno. Whatever.

Even though the general objective is to walk and get the exercise, I was grateful for the ride. And now time to rest my hip-supporting, butt-shaping, thigh-lifting, calf-defining muscles. Everything from the waist down is still burning. It hurts, but that means I’ve worked all those muscles and that’s a good thing, right? 🙂

Oh! And it is a glorious sunshiny but cool day, and the door and window are open for a nice breeze through. 🙂

I was going to get a bag of cole slaw mix but what they had didn’t look fresh enough, and I saw this and decided to try it. There were also a few other types of bagged salad, but I didn’t see the kind I got last time, and this looked interesting, mostly because it didn’t list kale in the ingredients. I’ll let you know if it is truly horrible.

The Day After Yesterday

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So, I told you I took a walk yesterday both to and from Kroger, using my walker. I’m glad I had the walker, for sure. Having done the walking, the rest of the day was spent hobbling around as my body got stiff and sore in the afternoon and evening.

Based on previous long walks, I expected today I would feel great and tomorrow I would be stiff and sore. I’m actually sort of feeling it today. Bummer.

I managed to sleep over 7.5 hours, from just after 10:00 until nearly 6:00. I crawled into bed from the opposite side to avoid waking BigBoy, who was asleep on ‘my’ side of the bed. Usually he plants himself behind the crook of my knees, but this time he pretty much stayed curled up around my belly. I woke briefly around midnight and came to the couch and fell asleep sitting up. When I woke around 1:30, I noticed BigBoy at the front door, so I let him out and wandered back to the bed and slept a lot more. Nice.

I have my ring light and camera set up, and after some futzing the computer recognized the camera I had installed instead of the built-in camera. I also got updated versions of my video software, so I can do more video talks when the mood hits. Not that I plan to become a video star, but it’s nice to just talk when I don’t feel like typing.

Anyway, I’m on my 2nd cup of coffee and soon it will be time to feed Big Boy his breakfast and get myself into the day.

Am I dying? Or just melting?

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What the hell? It’s obnoxiously hot. Yes, yes, I know — this is southeast Texas in August.

But it is gawd-awful hot.

I had a minor panic this morning. Last Wednesday I went to get a cortisone shot and to leave some urine and blood samples in the lab to be done before I can see my endocrinologist to discuss my diabetes and whatever other issues he see in my labs. So in my online chart with the clinic I can view all lab results, so I went to check — omg there were results from tests ordered by the urologist but I didn’t see any lab results for the endo. I had such difficulty with my clinic visits already, because the orthopedist cancelled two weeks in a row before getting me in last week. If I didn’t get the labs done that day I’d have to pay out of pocket for transport to the lab again.

So I was freaking out about not having the right labs done. I sent a message to the endo’s office asking them to check that my endo labs were also completed, else I’d have to do it next month and thus delay my visit to the endo for sometime after the labs were done. The nurse in the endo’s office messaged back and said the labs WERE all done and were just waiting for the endo to review before letting them post to my online chart.

That gave me some peace of mind. And probably silly of me to get worked up about it. But I do get worked up about things when things are not as I had expected. I don’t handle change well, but when I know there are changes I can usually manage to flow with it. From The Big Book: “My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.” Boy, ain’t that the truth. Between the crappy hot weather, my body feeling like shit, not getting enough sleep, and not nearly enough money even for just the basics, my serenity and my expectations have been in constant battle lately. I want to just chill but it’s not easy when I neeeeeed to be making more money.

On the other side, though, I was just sent a little money for a very do-able custom job that can be done this week. That’s nice.

And it helps to remember that good things DO happen even when my life feels like shit. It’s been almost 30 years since I was in an ACoA meeting (Adult Children of Alcoholics), and much of the 12-Step philosophy as a whole is just bullshit (especially the “Higher Power” stuff), there were some lessons that really stuck with me, and I am grateful I can draw on those lessons.