Lookie what my Cousin Ruth made for me!
First up is what I call a ‘coughing pillow’ – a small-ish little pillow to hold against incisions to avoid splitting the stitches when I cough or sneeze. Very handy.
So cute! 🙂 The reverse side is a red heart with a pink lace border. I love it!
And she also included a few project bags made from leftover shirt-sleeves! What a clever idea, eh?
Today is the first official day of winter, and it is projected to be cool-ish. It is 48ºF at the moment, might reach 60ºF sometime later, 20% change of precipitation but mostly just cloudy (i.e., “ugly”). Donna is going to pick me up to hit Kroger sometime this morning, but not sure when. I’ve been basically awake since about 1:30. Yuck.
Morning finger-stick was only 113. Could be better, but could be worse.
Later today I’m going to bring out some art supplies. I don’t know what I hope to accomplish, but I have a feeling I will find out once I start doodling. I’m going crazy not being productive in the way I want to be productive.
Later — Okay, so I managed to sorta-kinda pretend ‘sleep’ a little bit, but I was up and showered and shaved before 6:00. Donna arrived around 9:00, we got to Kroger and made groceries. I started hurting about half-way through the store, long before I actually said anything. But we were only in there 30, maybe 40 minutes (Saturday morning shoppers, everyone has to show up in the store and get in my way). Anyway, I got a bunch of stuff, nearly all of it was on my list, so impulse buying or time-wasting.
At various times in my growing-up years I could have been called ‘food insecure’, not sure when (or if) the next meal was coming. And, post-divorce when money was very lean, I had no choice but to budget and eat consciously. And so for most of my life I have just become accustomed to going to market 2-3 times a week, getting ‘just enough’. Here in Houston, of course, this has worked out well, as going to market and getting a bag or two of stuff meant I was getting regular fresh air, sunshine, and exercise.
Since I’ve gotten sick, however, my trips to market are when I can get a ride there and back. And I have (perhaps subconsciously, in some cases) started buying more than what I need for just the next few days. Like buying two bags of coffee instead of one. Buying an extra loaf of bread for the freezer. And so on. I have LOTS of healthy snack crackers, granola bars, and canned goods. Gobs of tuna and sardines, too. And sliced cheeses for nibbling.
I feel like a hoarder, just looking at it all. It is all, or nearly all, things I actually do eat. But therein lies part of the problem. Now that I am doing the glucose monitoring and learning how to balance the protein, carbs, and fats, I find myself bored to tears with what I have, or just ‘not hungry’, even when I know it is time to be eating something to maintain my health. I need to be eating several smaller meals spread throughout the day, and I just don’t feel like it. I read the other day that one of the effects of diabetes is damage to the vagus nerve that controls the feeling of fullness and hunger (just like out-of-control diabetes fucks up so many other organs in the body). I have to force myself to eat sometimes. That’s not good. I DO eat, of course, but sometimes without much enthusiasm.
I know it will all come together and it will become second nature. For now, though, it’s just another level of frustration as I try to get my body working again. I hate this process.
Okay, the day started poorly because of a bad night. And i spent much of the morning with pains and stuff. I did try to pull hanks of yarns for dyeing, but was too bushed to try dyeing anything.
For lunch I had two Kountry Boy smoked sausage (the absolute best in the world, I guarantee), and most of a 12-oz bag of California mix vegetables. My daughter-in-law was supposed to come by after she got off work at 4:00 to bring me some smokes, so I intended to take a nap.
But the phone rang — it was the clinic, tell me that my Tuesday appointment was with the wrong cardiologist. When my regular doctor told me to call to schedule, I told the appointment clerk that I had an aortic aneurysm and I was supposed to see a vascular surgeon, but I had not been given a name to ask for. So they put just me with the one that had an opening. Today, the clinic was reviewing upcoming appointments and they realized I’d been matched to the wrong doctor. So instead they put me with the Chief of Cardiology, who has done exactly this type of thing; it’s what he is good at. And he had an opening on Wednesday morning. So, bummer for a delay, but yayyy for getting matched to a better doctor. If I’d gone on Tuesday, it would have been a wasted trip (and an unnecessary specialist co-pay) since he would have had to refer me up anyway.
While I was on the phone to the clinic, my granddaughter Angel appeared in my door to take me to Kroger. What a treat. I don’t know if Leanne had mentioned she was coming by or what, but it’s grand that she did. I had to get a giant 15-lb bag of catfood as well as the smokes. We got in and out of Kroger fairly quickly, and she had time to sit and visit a while I really enjoyed that, since I hardly ever get one-on-one time with her. She has a job in an assisted living facility, so I got to learn about what she does. And we talked about about families — how she and her sibs grew grew up, how her dad and his sibs (my kids) grew up, and me and my sibs. Differences and similarities.
Just after she left it was time for my 2-hour post mealtime finger stick. Holy Shitballs! 100!!! That’s not right. So I ate a quick cup of applesauce and I’m feeling better now. I seriously do not understand why the mid-day finger-stick is lower than the overnight fasting morning finger-stick. And I’ve been careful not to eat anything after supper, except on the nights I wake up in the night, and then I have two cups of coffee and my aspirin, but that wouldn’t raise my glucose. I’d much rather have 100 in the morning and 120+ at the mid-day.
Also, a friend from school days (now reconnected on FB, a long career as a nurse), mentioned a new thing: diabetic gastroperesis. I looked that up on WebMD. I don’t have all of the listed symptoms, but holy shitballs that may be a clue to what’s going on down below. So, yaayyyyy for that, too. 🙂
And the landlord’s nephew came back and dug around under the trailer to look at the wiring issue. His brother is the electrician, so the brother will need to come back and check it all out over the weekend.
Not the day I would have wanted, but some good things happened. i’m just muddling along for now, hoping to get better day by day. And since I had a dinner-type meal at mid-day, I have no clue what to eat for evening meal. I’ll find something; lord knows I have enough edibles in the kitchen. But like I told Angel earlier, “Goddamn there’s nothing to eat around here. All I have is damn ingredients.”
I took my before lunch insulin shot, popped a pot pie into the microwave, and the kitchen electricity went out — all the plugs (but not the light switch, oddly enough.
The landlord’s nephew was here trying this and that, trying to find an electrical outlet that works to at least keep the refrigerator going. My insulin has to be kept refrigerated, and with all my recent shopping trips the refrigerator and freezer are plenty full. UGH. Already tried all the circuit breakers, that didn’t help.
Not a happy camper. Hopefully they’ll have an electrician out to fix the wiring ASAP.
I truly don’t need this crap at the moment. But while the refrigerator is pulled out from the wall and occupying my move-around space, I’m not likely to dye anything today anyway.
In other news, I now have an appointment to see the vascular surgeon on Tuesday. So that’s a good thing, I suppose.
Well, yesterday was horrible. Last night, however, I managed to stay (mostly) in bed for almost 7 hours and I feel a lot better this morning, so far. Finger stick was 132, which is higher than I’d like, but still almost within tolerable range.
Yesterday the temperature peaked at 83ºF, today we’re in the 50s. And it is supposed to be raining all day, leaving us cooler for the rest of the week. This is still crazy weather for winter, even in Houston.
I don’t like to dye when it is seriously raining, but special yarns have been coming in for some custom orders, so I can give part of the day to making those yarns ready to dye tomorrow. It’s a stand-up job so we’ll see how I do with standing up for a while. My actual joints are giving me a hard time today, but that’s a whole lot better than having my innards tied in knots, so I’ll just go with it and see what happens.
When the rain started in earnest, I stepped out to pick up the boys’ food bowl, and BigBoy skittered inside soon as the door opened, then spent the next hour having to touch me constantly. Nearly tripped over him a couple times in the kitchen. I’m not sure what the deal is with him, suddenly wanting to be near me, sleep with me, etc. I mean, it’s nice, but after 8 years it is a definitely change in behavior.
Anyway, onward into the day.
Well, okay. I was sleepy tired around 9:30 so I went to bed. BigBoy had already claimed his spot so I tried to find a place of my own. Started the awful routine of *dozing a few minutes, getting up to pee, repeat from * until you just can’t stand it. After four trips to the bathroom, I finally quit trying around 1:00, got up and had a couple coffees (but no snacks), and went back to bed around 3:30 or 4:00. I shuffled BigBoy around a few times over the next couple hours until he decided he’d had enough. I slept until just about 7:00, got up to pee (again!), and BigBoy came down the hall to watch, and then announced he was ready for outside. Terrific.
My morning finger stick was 127 — a little higher than I would have liked, but I suspect it is because I added too much rice into the veggies for supper.
I am generally feeling (or starting to feel) somewhat better overall, although my lower tract continues to hurt now and then. The pains are changing but not going away. Weird.
I did send a message to my doctor yesterday, and will likely hear back today — since I didn’t hear from the vascular surgeon on Friday, I need to understand what “urgent” means in doctor-speak. I was thinking this is something that must be dealt with right now right away, and I’ve been quite cautious this weekend about exerting myself too much lest I cause the aneurysm to blow out. I may have over-reacted.
Today I do have some yarns to prep for custom jobs and get them all ready to dye. Depending on how I feel I will likely start dyeing this week, small batches at a time. Sitting on my ass waiting for my body to explode is neither helpful nor productive, so I have to find a compromise — do what I can each day and don’t get overwhelmed by what I can’t accomplish. It will all get done.
Today is the last day of amazing weather for a while. Might reach 80 today, but a high tomorrow in the upper 50s, and staying cooler the rest of the week.
I have (unfortunately) become accustomed to the routine — go to bed, get up two or three times to pee, and then quit trying to sleep so I’m up after just a couple hours; then I’m awake and muttering at the pain below, taking a cheese-and-aspirin ‘snack’ with a couple cups of coffee; waiting a couple hours for the aspirin or ibuprofen to kick in, and finally dozing off for a couple more hours.
Lack of sufficient sleep has definitely affected my overall sense of well-being, among other things.
So anyway, I put myself to bed around 10:30 or 10:45, within just a couple hours I’d already been to the bathroom several times, and around 1:30 I quit trying to pretend I was sleeping. Somehow the covers I had so neatly smoothed and spread when I crawled into bed had become a disheveled mess. I got up, did my snack, fixed my coffee, and turned on YouTube to watch old TV game shows. Around 2:30 or so I dozed off here on the couch. Woke briefly around 5:30, then slept more until almost 7:00.
I’m still hurting ‘a little bit’ this morning, but not as bad as in days past. That’s good. I can at least move around so I’ll take advantage of that benefit this morning to press forward on some dye jobs. Yippee!
Finger stick at 7:00 was 117, so that’s pretty good, and I’ve taken my insulin shot and had a banana and a bowl of cereal.
Onward into the day I go.
So I had trouble sleeping in the night, woke up for a couple hours and got back to bed around 4:00 or 4:30, slept until almost 7:00. Only had a cup and a half of coffee before I felt relaxed and nearly pain-free, no other snacks. My fasting glucose at 7:00 was 119, which isn’t great but not entirely bad, all things considered.
I plug the 119 into the A1C calculator and saw 5.1 for A1C, which is GREAT, but totally misleading. That 119 has to be the average of all the data points over a period of months.
Today is Thanksgiving here in the U.S., but I have no special plans. The kids would rather have big Thanksgiving with their mother (“but you can come, too”), and don’t understand why I cannot go to their mother’s and mingle with her and her husband’s extended family. So, I do Thanksgiving by myself.
Tomorrow I go to the diabetic counselor, so I hope to learn new things. I’ve read a lot and have several places bookmarked online for reference, but most of those places are diabetic-healthy/diabetic-friendly recipes ideas. Right now I find little joy in cooking. I used to try new recipes when I was younger, but now I just eat for content rather than for taste. And I hate my kitchen, it’s no fun to cook in. At least not for me. Even so, I still need to learn more about how to choose foods for my best benefit.
And I absolutely need to improve my physical activity. Just sweeping the porch and ramp of fallen leaves tends to leave me weak and spent. This isn’t a good thing. Standing to wash dishes or pull a few hanks of yarn to be dyed makes me want to lie down and rest. That’s not good, either. I go as long as I can but then the pain in the lower abdomen kicks in. I do have a set of very light-weight dumbbells for my arms, and some stretchy resistance bands for my legs. I just need to keep trying and see if I can build up my body again.
I had a half-size peanut butter sandwich and an apple for lunch. I’m waiting for 2 hours to take a post-meal glucose reading. If I do a little physical exercise I hope to bring the afternoon number down to 200 or less. I’ve gotten near down to 200 for midafternoon, but never below.
3:15p.m. — holy shit!!! 176!!! Okay, now for some snack-and-aspirin and into the evening, I suppose.
Okay, I managed to get more sleep last night, didn’t get up and test until around 6:00 or shortly after. 134! Yes, the numbers are slowly coming down. Yippee!
At some point I won’t have to make a big deal about all of this, and my life will have become less focused on getting my blood sugar under control. It is still, for now, a process of learning how to keep the blood sugar at a fairly even level. I’m collecting some questions to ask the diabetes instructor on Friday.
According to WebMD, I should look for less than 100 mg/dL after not eating (fasting) for at least eight hours, and less than 140 mg/dL two hours after eating. I have a ways to go. And according to clevelandclinic.org, I should start exercising 30 minutes after beginning a meal, which seems odd since a meal could take 30 minutes. But it’s a guide not an unbreakable rule, I suppose.
Looking up almost any question on Google always brings hundreds or thousands of links. I don’t go to sponsored links, and don’t (usually) go to places I’ve not heard of. I trust WebMD, and places like the American Diabetes Association, or actual hospitals or clinics. Too many other places may or may not have right information, so I’m learning to avoid certain places.
I am curious to know how long it will take to get my blood glucose down to ‘normal’ levels. I’m supposed to go back to the dr. in 3 months, so I assume my A1C will be lower by then. Three months is a long time (relatively), so I can’t depend too highly on day to day readings.
Friday, of course, is two days after I turn 65. And that reality is something that weighs a little on my mind. How the fuck did I get this old? I mean, on the one hand, it really is not a big deal — people hit 65 with some degree of regularity. And they survive. On the other hand, I had no expectation of reaching 65. Neither of my parents did. I made no plans toward getting older, no intentions for what I would do in my later years. And now I’m here without a plan. That’s rather scary. What do I want to do with the rest of my life?
Ooops. I forgot to publish yesterday’s draft, so I just did that first. Sorry.
Yesterday was a weird day (aren’t they all?). I managed to do my insulin dosing correctly, eating dutifully, and all the rest. And I took my blood sugar reading a couple hours after the mid-day meal. Holy crap, it was 378! That seriously freaked me out. I know it is “just” a number, just one data point along the way. But it still upset me. I ate a respectable dinner of mixed vegetables, a can of tuna and about a dozen and a half macaronis, all boiled together, topped with a little butter. It filled my dinner plate and I was full. For about an hour. I added 1/2 cup ice cream (such discipline!), then a couple hours later a handful of mixed nuts.
My reading this morning was just 158. Lowest I think I’ve gotten all along, so far.
(nap)
Okay, so after sticking my finger and eating a bowl of cereal, I went back to bed for another hour and a half. Good sleep, active dreaming. Woke just in time for a shower and shave before feeding the boys, and doing my injection and morning pills. Remembering to do All The Things is still difficult at times, but if I keep at it there should be new habits forming.
Today is rainy, so I won’t be going much of anywhere, but that’s okay because I hardly ever do go anywhere. One thing I neeeeeed to work on is exercise. If I’m not walking 2-3 times a week to Kroger, I need to be doing something else to get my body moving more. Besides being good for the muscles, regular exercise will burn up a lot of the sugar. And today, I have work-related work to be doing. Tomorrow I start dyeing on a custom project, so I need to try and get the yarns pulled for that. It’s an awkward and time consuming project and I’m still unclear what order to do the yarns in. It will happen one way or another.
Since I forget there’s a draft post waiting for completion, I won’t try that again. If I have something to say I’ll just post it as a new item.