Author Archives: Ray

Another Month Begins

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by  

Later this month I will turn 69 years old. Rather daunting to think of it because I didn’t think I’d even make it this far. But a lot of people on both my mother’s and father’s sides lived well up into their 80s, and my dad’s cousin is in his 90s now. Both of my parents, of course, died younger than I am now (Dad at 64 and Mother at 60), but I think my genetics will allow me to go a little longer.

At various times in the past I have had to ask for help along the way, either to help me get yarn or to make ends meet. And several friends have come through and helped me. Plenty of times I would have been homeless or facing mounting bills, but several recent factors happened in a short period of time and I discovered I would not and could not cover my monthly bills, all of which are due within the coming week. Part of this was due to the shuffle with my yarn supplier — the original owners retired and a different company absorbed most of the original owner’s operation (another company absorbed most of the rest of the operation); another part is that yarn sales have been slow; and another (huge) part was this past summer’s excessive heat.

Both my gas and my electric services are on “balanced billing” – each monthly bill fluctuates somewhat, but the billing is averaged out over the prior 12 months. Normally this helps the consumer have a better grasp of their expenses month to month. Here in southeast Texas, they add a special surcharge during the months of high usage. Before I signed up for balanced billing, my electric bill would be $70 to $90 in the cooler months, and spike to a few hundred dollars when it was hot and the a/c was running. Because of my fluctuating income, I’d go hungry in the summer months (not literally, but limited groceries at times), so balanced billing definitely helped. This past summer, starting in about May, we stayed at 100º or more for daytime highs for several months, hardly dropping down into the mid-80s over night. My a/c ran without pause from May until just a few weeks ago. My current bill (just over $385.00) is a reflection of what my electric bill will look like as the high temps of summer (and high use of the a/c) get balanced into my monthly bills. I am seriously dreading it.

After looking at what I have on hand (both cash in the bank and yarns available to sell) and the amount of money I have to pay out soon, there’s no way I could make it. So I had little choice but to put it out on FB that I need help in a big way. And thankfully several people did help, so I will be able to cover the biggest of my utility bills right away, and the rest from next weekend’s yarn sales.

The issue with my yarn supplier has settled and that looks fairly stable going forward. I’ve cut my cable/internet bill by cutting off the cable (gotta keep the Internet, of course), and there are other things I can do that will help in the long run. I had to sell the collection of quilting fabrics that I had cut and prepared for some projects. That made me sad, but oh well — there will always be other fabrics, once I have the time and space and other things needed to actually piece a quilt properly. Yes, of course I could do it by hand like generations before me used to do, but … UGH!

With rising costs for just about everything, I’m not sure how long this is sustainable in the long run. I’m getting to an age where I can’t still be constantly stressed about money and basic living expenses. Even now it is difficult, but with help I’ve been able to manage. Without that help, though, I’d be up shit creek without a paddle, many times over. I am very much indebted to those who have helped, and hope to be able to return the favor in some form or fashion.

What I need to do is find a sustainable consistent income of an additional $1,000 a month. This, along with my little Social Security, would keep me housed, fed, and current on utilities. But prices keep going up, so eventually I would need to create even more consistent income, and I honestly don’t know how to make that happen.

I do enjoy putting color onto yarn, even though I don’t always relish the pre-dye and post-dye processes, which take far more time and energy than the actual dyeing. And I do feel somewhat ‘stuck’ because I’m not reaching enough people to buy the yarns I do dye.

I’ll figure it out, one way or another, of course. But I hate feeling dependent on others just to get by. Everything in my life is a result of where I’ve been the last 68 years, but most of my current troubles are largely due to my own poor choices at various turns. Not that I would have, could have, or should have made different choices; I’m just saying I’m not a perpetual victim of circumstances completely beyond my control, so I can’t be dependent on others to rescue me.

Where the hell did 2023 go?

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

Well, this is weird. It seems the year is nearly gone, and I have failed to keep up my personal blog pages and posts.

WordPress has been updating and I’ve lost my way in the latest interface. That sucks. I don’t like this.

I’ll have a think or two about this and come back later.

Well, it’s been a while, eh?

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

Okay, so I’ve been seriously slacking off on my personal blog posts. Mostly I post stuff on Facebook, and usually lots of small posts each day. I really need to update the personal blog, though, since not everything needs to go on Facebook.

What could have been 8 or 10 or 12 years ago, I mentioned on Facebook that I didn’t have adequate pockets on my gym shorts and sweat pants – either no pockets at all or such skimpy little pockets my keys would fall out. I have a ‘thing’ about keeping my keys on me at all times, so it was a problem for me.

Someone on my Friendlist sent me a marvelous little product called a RooSport — a small pocket device with a magnetic flap that you could attach to the waistband of your shorts so the pocket part was inside your shorts and the flap went over and attached to itself with magnets. The pocket had a little hook-and-loop closure. If I remember correctly, my friend had gotten it free as some sort of promotional and maybe even prototype product. She didn’t need it, so she sent it to me.

I have used it almost daily to keep my keys on me at all times, except when I was wearing regular pants with regular pockets. It has become an essential part of my daily wardrobe, I guess, and I have gotten much use out of it.

Recently, however, I felt a poking on my hip and discovered the inner plastic form had come loose. Ouch.

Call me crazy, but getting poked like that is just not acceptable. So, I went online and discovered that this original product is not available, but RooSport is still very much a thing. You can visit their website to see how the product has been improved. The don’t have the original model, so I ordered the smallest one available, and just received it this morning. It is larger than the original, and I don’t carry my phone or wallet in the Roo, just the keys. But I’m happy to have a replacement now and grateful for the many years of service I got from the original. 🙂

And with that, I am off into the day to take care of what needs doing.

Has it been 3 years?

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

Yes, almost three years since The Big Surgery. And I am feeling pretty much okay. It has taken much longer than I would have liked, but I admit I have no been as diligent as I should have regarding adherence to exercise and better eating. I still do eat mostly healthy and balanced, but I’ve not been strict about getting out and walking. I keep thinking I want to, but then I don’t actually do it.

I have days when I get up raring to go and other days I feel like just melting into a blog on the couch, which isn’t so healthy. And once in a while I forget to take my meds, either the morning or the evening, but that’s only 2-3 times a month when I forget.

In the last 3 years there’s been some areas of growth, and some areas of laziness on my part. I won’t go into that.

A while back I was looking through pictures, both in Facebook and my blogs, finding pictures of things I have made — various knit or crochet items that I had completely forgotten about. I wonder if this is true of other crafters, they keep producing to the point they just forget what they’ve done.

Also lately, I have been seeing notice of various celebrities who have died. Most are 2 or 3 decades older than I, but it is noticeable that more people are dying who are younger than I. It drives home the fact that I am getting always older and eventually my own time will be up as well. I can’t do much about that, other than try to take care of myself and then hope I die a quick and easy death. I definitely do not want to linger about like my father did for several years after his first stroke.

I wasn’t close to my father’s parents, or to my mother’s father and his wife. Mostly I knew my mother’s mother and her husband. But even that relationship was semi-distant because my mother and her mother had a strained relationship. I’m not as close to my kids or my grandkids as I would like to be. I’d love to have the money and other resources to make their lives better or at least easier.

Healing Continues

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So, today is the 4th day after cataract surgery. It’s been going mostly okay, although yesterday felt like a speed bump or something. just a weird afternoon, feeling sort of off-center or something. I didn’t feel right until later in the evening.

This morning, after brushing my teeth I accidentally rubbed the towel over my left eye. I wasn’t pressing or scrubbng, just a light rub over the eyelid. Holy Shit, that hurt like hell! I don’t think I tore or damaged anything, but it felt like a 2-day bruised knot or something — the kind that doesn’t hurt until you touch it without thinking.

I am seeing better for the most part, including being able to see my computer. The alignment in my eyes isn’t changing, though, and I will need to see the Dr. about that — if I look too long at something the right eye goes a little askew. I’m also trying to remember to blink more often to keep my eyes from drying out and to help reset my focus.

I’m glad I decided to get both eyes done at the same time — I don’t think I would enjoy going through this healing process for a month and then having to do it again for the other eye. Better, in my mind, to just do it and get it over with. Seems like everyone I’ve talked to either had just one eye done, or both eyes done a month or two apart. So maybe this wasn’t the smartest way, but it’s the way I chose and I don’t regret it.

And, if I’m honest, I suspect I would have had to pay a second co-pay if I had had the eyes done at separate times, since it would be two separate procedures. I might be wrong, though.

It is annoying having to not do all the things I normally do — trying to limit my computer time (esp. Facebook), as well as following orders not to lift anything too heavy, not to bend over (squat down don’t bend over), and things like that.

Later — just took a 30 minute walk up to Alderson and back. Sore and tired in my hips and legs, but feeling better overall for having the walk. It’s good to get my “fresh air, sunshine, and exercise,” whether I want it or not. As we move into cooler, winter weather, I should take advantage of relatively decent weather whenever I can, right?

New Things to See!

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

Two days ago, on Tuesday, I had cataract surgery on both eyes. I am still in the adjustment and healing period, which includes resting my eyes, restricting certain activities, and taking special medication (eyedrops).

I had not been much aware of a cataract developing in my left eye because my right eye had gotten so bad and blurry, but the last time it was checked, my optometrist told me the left was also bad. Most everyone I have talked with said they had one eye done, and then the other eye done in a few weeks or a month later. My ophthalmologist said he’s done several people getting both eyes done the same day. I told him I live alone and I was concerned about being able to heal properly with having both eyes done the same time, and he told me I would be fine.

I have always done things in a “do it all now” fashion. I had all four wisdom teeth removed the same day. I had carpal tunnel surgery on both hands/wrists the same day. I had bilateral inguinal hernias done the same day — and then had to repeat it both sides a month later. So, it wasn’t unusual for me to consider having both eyes done. This was taken just after I got home from the surgery. I look a bit of a mess, eh?

Picture of me after cataract surgery.

So now it’s been 2 days, I only have to wear the shields at night for 5 more nights (7 nights total), and then follow a diminishing schedule for the eyedrops.

I have worn glasses since 7th grade, when I was about 11 or 12 years old. I should have had glasses 3 years earlier, in 4th Grade, but my mother didn’t believe the school when they said I could not see. It was the 7th Grade when the Electric Shop teacher said he would have me expelled if I didn’t get glasses, and then my parents got serious about it. They got me a pair of glasses finally; just one pair. And my next pair of glasses was when I hit Air Force Basic Training. They were ugly, dark-rimmed glasses, but the difference in corrected vision was astounding.

(On a side note, I also never saw a dentist until I got my duty station in Athens, Greece. My parents never took me to a dentist, ever.)

It is interesting to be noticing things round the house I haven’t really noticed before — cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling, parts of the floor that need vacuumed or swept. Since I was told not to bend over or lift more than 10 pounds for 7-10 days, I’m not going to be working, but I might be spending time sprucing up the place more than I have been. I’ve never been the most fastidious housekeeper, but suddenly noticing things better now might change that.

It is only the second day since the surgery, and I am supposed to be resting my eyes. I have until early January before I see the doctor again to see about new glasses or whatever. I will be able to work after next weekend. I have some new generic reading glasses arriving on Saturday which should help in the meantime.

The Rule of Thirds

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Most commonly heard of in connection to the world of art or photography — it has to do with placing elements of the image in a visually pleasing arrangement. But I recently heard of a different application to the Rule … Continue reading →

First Cup Blues

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<*blech*> <*p-tooie*> Grrrr. Kroger didn’t have my regular coffee (French Roast), so my shopper picked a similar medium-dark roast (100% Colombian). He did ask before getting it and I approved because it is a medium-dark roast and I figured it … Continue reading →

At the Shasta Hotel

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Okay, so I left off last time with the time I was molested, at the Shasta Hotel. Mother and Orville split up and we had to leave that hotel and went over to the Shasta. I don’t know how she paid for it but we were there a week or two, I guess. I really don’t recall.

One day Mother was in the room, and I was out in the hallway reading a book. There was something like a small sitting area, with a sofa and couch, a table or two, and a wall of windows behind the couch. There were several books available, all Reader’s Digest Condensed stories. Back then Readere’s Digest magazine would take popular novels and condense them to get the main parts of a story but make them shorter for quicker reading, usually published in their magazine. Three or four times a year, they would also publish a collection of these condensed stories. Anyway, I was reading one of them, and one of the other hotel residents came and sat down nearby. I just wanted to read, but he kept talking at me trying to make conversation. Things like, “How old are you?” and “Do you like reading?” (Uhh… no shit, Sherlock, I’m sitting here reading!)

He told me he had several other books in his room that he thought I’d like. I said something like “okay, bring them here.” No, he wanted me to go to his room to see them, too many to bring them all out. He kept at me, wearing me down. I finally went with him to his room and sat on his bed as he reached down to a box and pulled out four (FOUR!) dime store comic books, some sort of action hero tales. At that time I had no interest in that sort of action hero/crime-fighter comics. I held them in my hands thinking, “why would I read cheap comic books when I could be reading real books?”

Next thing I know he’d pushed me backward on the bed and he’s lying on top of me, asking, “Would you like me to make you a little girl?”

I had no idea what that meant, but I knew I was a boy and I didn’t want to be a girl, so I shook my head and said, “No.”

Then he asked, “If I was a white man would you let me make you a little girl?”

I should mention that I was 13, a fairly scrawny kid and a few inches shorter than I am, and he was quite tall, rather big around and broad, and one of the blackest Black men I’d ever seen.

Again, I said, “No.”

He said, “That’s the right answer.” At least I didn’t give any indication of being racist, which was a good thing as this was in 1968 when race relations in this country were horrible. But being made into a little girl was about me and not the race of someone wanting to do that. In all of this he never undressed nor forced me to undress, which was a good thing.

Just then I heard my mother calling down the hall for me and I tried to sit up. The guy finally let me sit up but wouldn’t let m leave or call out, but he wouldn’t let me leave until I kissed him. He asked me several times, said I couldn’t leave until I gave him a kiss. I finally gave him a kiss on the cheek and was allowed to leave.

Obviously I went back to the room Mother and I had, and she could tell I was shaken up so I told her everything. Everything. When I had done, she said something I would never forget, word for word. She said, “Well, you should have known better than to go with a stranger. Now you stay here, I need to go to the liquor store.”

Yes, at 13 from a boring middle class upbringing should have known better. How the hell I should have or would have or even could have known better is beyond me, as it was so far out of my worldly experience at that point. But what was suddenly quite clear was that Mother’s need for vodka was more important than anything going on my own life.