Whiting's Writings - My Life |
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Good, Fair Question 25 Apr 2006 A recently de-lurking reader (BL-F from Austria) asks: By the way, what made you move to New Orleans in
the first Fair enough, and today feels like a good time to reminisce a little. I'd been laid off from my job in Seattle, WA, and I was aiming toward my sister's house down in Vero Beach, Florida. I got this far and ran out of money. I had JUST enough money to either keep going and land in Vero Beach with absolutely NOTHING ... or I could get a cheap little apartment here, try to find work and save a little money and then keep going. All my worldly possessions were in a small Nissan Sentra. When I got here, I had NO CLUE what New Orleans was about. After living in major metropolitan cities like Houston and Seattle, I was not prepared for my first apartment in the French Quarter. Ohmahgawd, it was a major culture shock. I had no idea how real people got real jobs, but down in the Quarter people were making daily money in various ways. So, I put on some funky Guatamalen drawsting pants and loose blousey shirt, spread a silk scarf on a space of sidewalk, and started reading Tarot cards for tourists on Jackson Square. It paid the rent (which was week by week) until I was able to get a job at Tulane University through a temp agency. One thing led to another (the details are unimportant), and I ended up working at Charity Hospital for the medical director and then later for the COO of the whole place. And, since I was still obligated for child support, and had been basically "unemployed" since being laid off in Seattle, I really had to hold onto whatever work I could find. But ever since my first week here, I've been wanting to be somewhere else, ANY place else. I live in one of the 'better' parts of older New Orleans--not the suburbs and new developments -- and this is one of the first areas restored to some semblance of functioning after Katrina. I should go take pictures of the main street around the corner so you can see what passes for "good" here. Cracked sidewalks, broken and upturned by the overgrown Oaks and other trees lining the streets. Piles of debris and trash not being picked up. The streetcorner trash receptables were removed several months ago because the city had nobody to empty the bins regularly .. and now litter flits up and down the street with any passing breeze. And some segments of the local folk have never grasped the notion that it is NOT okay to toss your drink cups, cans, chicken bones and other garbage just out onto the sidewalks or people's yards. The city was bad before Katrina. It's worse now. "Quality of life" issues go unaddressed most of the time -- trash, basic utility services, crime, rotting cars lining the streets, and so much else. We are already almost back to the pre-Katrina levels of murder in the city. Katrina gave us a chance to clean up the crime, and for my first couple of months after returning, the city actually felt safer than it had in years and years. The National Guard was still on the ground here, with a visible presence, and most of the criminal element had been scattered to the four winds. They are discovering that most other cities won't easily put up with their bullshit, so they are flocking back to New Orleans. And the Mayor doesn't have the balls to say "Enough!" Instead, he's consistently called for EVERY citizen of New Orleans to return. He says, "EVERY citizen has a RIGHT to come back home." Uhhh... and what about those of us other citizens who do not want the criminals around? Do we not have the right to say there are certain people we do not want here? Apparently we don't. Police pick up the criminals, and idiot judges turn them out on bail, the D.A. fails to adequately prosecute, and most criminals (drug lords, murders, and other hardened and armed criminals) blow it all off because they know they'll be back on the street in a day or two. So, having arrived here on a fluke and not deliberate choice, I don't feel bad looking around and recognizing that this is not a place I want to be. I never did want to be here. Katrina gave me the impetus to make the changes I need to make for myself, and now that my financial situation is such that nobody else depends on me for survival (no partners, no dependents, no child support), I sure as heck don't need to subject myself to this mess. It's dumb. So... that's the short version of how I got here and why it's a no-brainer choosing to leave. :-) |
A Public Apology 23 Apr 2006 I am SOOOO embarrassed at the election results. It is going to be a run-off between Ray Nagin and Mitch Landrieu. Nagin was no prize even before Katrina, but his utter failure as a leader post-Katrina indicated he should have not made the run-off. Landrieu is the son of a former mayor, and the brother of U.S. Senator Mary Landrieu. This scared off a lot of people who were unhappy with 'Moon' Landrieu's administration, and claims that Mitch would be part of the same old-same old, like a Southern Kennedy dynasty. Many people got into the mayoral race because they wanted to take New Orleans in a new direction -- anything but the decay and corruption of the last 30-40 years. There were clearly too many candidates, of course, and many of them had some good ideas. Would have been better if they had combined resources and ideas and presented a solid votable candidate to lead the city. Landrieu certainly has the political savvy and connections to make things happen, but I prefered Couhig as a bulldog to be totally new blood for the city. No matter. Couhig only got about 10% of the votes. Even so, the number is important to send the message that he does have SOME support and should try again. New Orleans has been the laughingstock of the country as she stumbled in the dark toward recovery, while the surrounding parished are moving right along at a fairly good clip. We've been calling for action, for change, for progress all along, and the world has been watching this little Southern town, wondering what would happen. The world poured out their hearts for this part of the globe right after the storm. Many many countries tried to offer help (which the Feds were stupid enough to reject -- I'll NEVER figure that one out). And now, after yesterday's election, ignorant dumb-ass motherfucker idiots voted so poorly that Nagin is going into the run-off. What a shame. You wanna know why it happened? Because a goodly number of people are former residents of the Lower Ninth Ward and New Orleans East -- two of the areas most heavily hit by the floods from the failed levees (along with Lakeview and Gentilly) -- and Nagin was the only candidate suggesting that everyone can just come on back and start over in their own neighborhoods. Who would actually vote for someone who said, "No you can't go back there, you need to move to higher/safer area of town."?? All the other leading candidates were honest -- the levees will NOT be adequate until 2010, particularly the areas east of the Industrial Canal. The city's tax base cannot support an infrastructure as large as it once was. And with 40% of the pre-Katrina city living in poverty (both low-income workers AND those on public assistance), there's NO WAY the city can support so many living on the dole. There are very few schools opened these days, so where are families supposed to send their kids? Not even half of the pre-K hospitals are open. And barely 1/3 of the pre-K population has returned so far. Uhhh.. hello? it's been EIGHT MONTHS! Get your ass back here, or just start over someplace else. Oh yeah, and (as we just learned during the national debate on Monday, to almost everyone's embarrassment), the city's entire water system is shot to hell. They are pumping out 150 million gallons a day through the city water system ... but only 30 million gallons are being used. The rest is flowing out through over 6,000 leaks in the pipes. I have a broken pipe on my street right in front of me. We've gone many weeks without a good rain, but MY street has been plenty wet the whole time since I returned from Houston in October. When the water system shut down two days after Katrina, and then the pipes were drained and cleared before being declared 'safe' again in October, when they stepped up the pumping again, it revealed even more cracks and breaks than they knew about before. Sustained pressure kept some of the pipes from collapsing, but turning off the water allowed the pipes to contract or crumble, and then turning the water back on revealed all the compromised pipes. They knew the system was fucked even before Katrina -- ancient pipes, with ancient oaks wrapping their roots around the pipes, shifting and sinking landscape, and all the other problems -- and it was only increased after Katrina. How can they promise to provide water and other services way out in the East or Lower 9, if pumping water out that far results in even more waste along the route? The people need to bulldoze their homes, take their insurance and other compensations, and just find a new goddamned house closer to where it is safe. It's a no-brainer. Sure, your family property has sentimental value, you've raised your children there, it was your neighborhood, and so forth. But really, it is JUST A HOUSE. The floods took out everything you owned, and that really sucks, but it's life. Get on with your life already. If you want to live in New Orleans (and can afford it), find a place and start over. It's NOT THAT DIFFICULT! I cannot afford it. The average rental unit here, comparable to the space I have, is now 4-5 times what my rent is. Little bitty shotguns and shotgun doubles are pressing toward HALF A MILLION DOLLARS!!!! What the hell is THAT about???? Anyway, so all this talk of change and reconstruction and a "new" New Orleans -- vapor. And the rest of the world is shaking their heads wondering, "What the fuck are those people thinking down there???" And I will guaran-damn-tee that if another hurricane comes through and the city fucks it up again, NObody will feel sorry for this messed up screwy city. I should be grateful I'm planning to leave soon, but part of me is SOOOO pissed that I'm tempted (just a teensy bit) to stick around and run for office myself. Hell, I should stuck around just to piss off some folks. |
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This Just In.... 22 Apr 2006 (Delicate souls, please avert your eyes -- there may be some strong language ahead) I was "informed" today that certain people might think I'm a racist and waayy too far to the right. WHAT THE F*CK?????? Okay, this came from someone on the forums who has never actually met me, and certainly not followed the steps of my last 50-plus years. Such an irrational assessment comes almost entirely from my comments on the open forum. I have never said anything that could be even remotely taken as racist, and have consistently tried to encourage people to separate skin color from behaviors, and not lump all blacks (or even all whites, hispanics, or asians) under one banner. Grrrrrrrrr! And if anyone thinks I'm "waaayyy too far to the right" they absolutely have NO clue who I am or what I stand for in real life. |
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VOTING DAY 22 Apr 2006 Didn't sleep too well in the night, woke frequently, and then slept beyond when I wanted to wake. I was prepared to stand in line at the polls until my turn, and was thinking of taking a folding chair and being there before the doors opened. Wasn't necessary -- I walked in, signed my name, cast my vote, and was back out in about 3 minutes. Very cool. Many of the regular election sites were destroyed in the floods after Katrina, so there were many "Mega-Sites" set up, with 25-50 different precincts all occupying the same space, like the one at UNO. Those places will certainly have long lines, and there will be inconvenienced and disgruntled voters. I'm glad my voting station wasn't destroyed, and glad I didn't have a wait at all. But the important thing is that I did it. Even if my vote for mayor doesn't put my choice into the run off, my vote will help to show that my candidate did have good turnout. If he has a good enough turn-out this time, he may well be enticed to run next time. I won't be here of course, but it will still send a message that he had strong support. Out of the field of almost two dozen running for mayor, I suspect there will be only four or five top runners -- Boulet, Couhig, Nagin, Landrieu ... maybe Forman, but I hope not. My vote is in that group. I suspect the predictions are accurate that it will be a runoff between Landrieu and Nagin. If it comes down to that, I'll vote for Landrieu, easily. Nagin is a doofus at best. Y'know... it's odd. At other times in my life I would have voted but not been nearly so interested in it all, and now that I'm planing to leave New Orleans I am very much interested in the mayoral race. On the very slim chance I don't get out of town, I need to know that I voted for the person I would want as mayor if I were still living here. I voted for the man whom I believe can actually bring real change to the city. Yesterday was my 'farewell' lunch, as I mentioned. I realized like night that the two people I would have expected to show up weren't there -- my supervisor, and the program director with whom I'd worked for the last 10+ years. Very odd. I'm not sure how to take that, y'know? I know they were disappointed that I was leaving, but to not show up at my farewell lunch was really a bit of a snub, I think. Oh well, it's over now and no need to dwell on it, I suppose. Onward into the day we go! |
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Ta-DAAAAAAAAaaaaa!!!!! 21 Apr 2006 Winter wanes, heat blooms -- Had lunch with a dozen or more co-workers at Cafe Reconcile today, which was nice. I rode the bus up there, and got a ride home. Like my little attempt at haiku? It's my "retirement haiku". Now that I'm retired (EEEK) I thought i'd feel differently, but you know what? I DON'T! Today's lunch felt pretty much like any other day. I think part of that is because I've not actually been to the office to work since the Friday before Katrina hit, and my life has run a long course since then. Perhaps if I'd been showing up at the office every day, today would have been a bit more significant. O'course, the reason I haven't been in the office is because of Katrina. Had Katrina not hit, the last 8 months would have been pretty much ho-hum same-same, and not likely I would have had the impetus to actually get off my ass and DO what I needed to do. But because I've been on my own and detached for 8 months already, the "farewell lunch" was more like seeing old friends than a farewell. Thank goodness there wasn't any call for a speech or whatever, although that probably would have marked the event a little more nicely. But oh well. It's over and I'm glad. Tomorrow morning I get to go cast my vote for Mayor, City Council, and a few other things. I know where my votes will go for City Council, and for Sheriff. I'm not sure about any of the Clerk of Court positions, or the Assessors. One thing for sure -- I'm not voting for ANY of the incumbents in any position. I just can't. I am sort of agonizing still about the mayoral vote. I suspect my first choice won't make it into the run off -- he's a bit of a rabble-rouser, but he's ballsy and honest and not afraid to speak his mind, while most of the others are definitely pandering and saying what people want to hear. But like I've been telling everyone else to do, I have to vote for the person that I think would do the most good for the city. If he doesn't make it into the run-off I'll probably go with my second choice for that round, since my second choice is a far more popular candidate. I'll be extremely surprised if that one doesn't make it to the run-off. I'm also sincerely hoping that Nagin doesn't make the run off, but if that happens I am sure there will be all sorts of legal challenges and more bullshit, and the next four weeks are going to be hellaciously horrible. But as long as I can get through tomorrow's election, I'm not going to be too concerned for anything after that. I'll be too busy working on the business. And now it's time for bed. I want a good night's sleep so I can hit the polls early.
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Ready to Retire 20 Apr 2006 Tomorrow is my last "official" day with the day job. Woo-hooooo!!!! OMG this is scarey! Holy crap! But that's okay. Today I had to go to ACE Hardware for some rat poison and duct tape. While I was there I noticed they had a spring sale. I saw something I've always wanted and NEVER had, and the price was quite reasonable. Whattaya think?
It isn't all that large ... the yard space is just sort of small-ish. But it is plenty long enough for me to stretch out. VERY comfortable. If I'm going to be semi-retired, I damn will plan to do it well. The is the first piece of BRAND NEW furniture of any type that I have bought for at least 15 years. EVERYthing else in my home is either yard sale rescues, or trash heap rescues, or thrift shop rescues. So I don't feel too bad for having bought it as an impulse purchase, a crime of opportunity, so to speak. :-) So shoot me. But let me recline first. :-) Tomorrow is the "farewell lunch" for my departure. And I have a few odd things to do in the morning, and a few odd things to finish in the afternoon. But I'm not about to bust my ass for any of it. Nope. Not me. Ain't gonna do it. I deserve a break. |
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With Great Abandon 19 Apr 2006 Wow.... first off, this is a BUSY week for me:
Now, the mayoral stuff is just a matter of trying to get a grip on the candidates -- I need to be sure my vote is as useful as I can make it. I don't want to vote for the "most likely" candidate able to beat Nagin. I need to vote for the person(s) whom I believe most qualified to actually do what needs doing in this city. I view the forums, hear the opinions, follow the links. It is difficult to sift through all the various posters -- far too many outsiders posting bullshit fluff and making it sound like they live here and are involved. Tying up loose ends for the day job -- I need to bring together adequate information for my successor to be able to find their way around the job. I have committed to continueing a couple of projects, simply because I started them and the materials needed for finishing are not yet provided. Not a big deal, and far easier to just do what needs doing rather than try to educate people who aren't able to do the job anyway. I do, however, find it unendingly hilariously funny that they are having conniptions at my leaving ... or actually at having to replace me and come up with some creative financing because they can't replace me from the normal pool of possibilities out of the budget that has been paying me within the confines of the civil service guidelines. Gosh... what a pity. <*snicker*> And that leaves the business projects. I have consciously NOT pursued much of that this week. I need to get the day job stuff done and out of the way. I'm sure this coming weekend will be a massive "clearing out" of work-related things, re-arranging the house and re-focusing on the business tasks. That's okay. I grabbed another book off the shelf to take into the bathroom yesterday: Jesus and Buddha -- The Parallel Sayings, by Marcus Borg. In this work, Borg holds up passages from the Bible and from various Buddhist writings, showing a similarity of thought. From Matthew 8.16 we find: That evening they brought to him many who were possessed with demons; and he cast out the spirits with a word, and cured all who were sick. Very cool. We know now there are no "demons" but bunches of false thought, as well as psychosomatic illness and a myriad of other issues. Jesus would speak truth, the false thoughts would be dispelled, and the sick were cured. Very cool. Now, from Samyutta Nikaya 46.14, Borg quotes: The venerable Kassapa was sick and afflicted, stricken with a sore disease. The Buddha spoke to him and Kassapa was delighted. Then and there he rose up from his sickness and abandoned it. When I read that yesterday morning it nearly floored me (fortunately I was already seated!) . Okay so here's the deal: there are sick people. Jesus/Buddha speaks (both are attributed with speaking versions of Truth). Words, of course, work best on the mind, the cause of nearly all disease. When that spoken word is heard, the mentality of the hearer is changed, and when the mentality (first cause) is changed, the body (effect) is changed. This is ancient teaching, no big revelation in this. But look at the Buddhist text again: Kassapa was delighted. Having been involved in various spirituality exploration, I don't think this is an idle entertainment form of 'delighted' (as in tickled, amused, entertained in a passive audience sort of way). Maybe a better sense would be that Kassapa was ENlightened and thrilled to the depths of his being. But then look what he does: "Then and there (right away, immediately upon having his mind corrected to a new perspective) he rose up from his sickness and abandoned it! Whoa!!!!! We only abandon what is no longer useful. When is sickness (or poverty, or vicitmization, or resentment, or ANY other effect of dis-ease) useful? When it gets us sympathy, for example. We take on all sorts of ailments and troubles for whatever reason because we get something from it. Pseudo-martyrdom is a common theme in today's world ("look at all I've done for you ... and this is how shamefully you treat me!!!!). Fuck it, get over it. Whatever benefit might derive from sickness or trouble, the benefits of living in Truth are far greater. There ARE genuine troubles in this life -- bodies fail, viruses and bacteria and cancers really mess us up. People have to figure how to live with chronic and debilitating illnesses (like my brother-in-law, who is dying from ALS, a friend up north is losing her hearing as part of her trouble with Meniere's, a friend in California has faced and beaten breast cancer TWICE and on and on and on -- living in a physical body truly deserves hazard-duty pay, because Hurricanes come. Accidents occur. Businesses fail. There's no denying it. Shit happens. But using those things as a source or channel for mental/emotional benefit is a waste, and playing the victim is really pathetic. There is no guarantee cancer will stop progression, or neurological disease will be suddenly fixed, or any other guarantee for the physical body. There is no guarantee a business will succeed. No guarantee a home won't flood or burn or get blown away in a storm. The difference is in the mentality. What does one make of what has occured? The people I know have generally moved on, figured out new ways of living and coping with the inconvenience. Yes, it is hard, and there are days it is downright impossible to pick up one foot and put it in front of the other. Life is just too rich and textured for any intelligent being to focus ALL of one's energies on being the victim of something outside of your own brain and mind and creative energy. Kassapa heard what was spoken to him and he got off his ass and ABANDONED his sickness. He didn't wait for the sickness and its effects to diminish or improve. He didn't wait for a doctor to cut something out. It wasn't about making the sickness "leave". He got up and left the sickness. The challenge for me, for today, is to keep my eyes open and see what "sickness" (physical limitation, mental perspective, whatever) is being used to derive some twisted benefit, and abandon that sickness. That's a big challenge, and not something done in an afternoon. It means (now that I've gotten this perspective) from now on I need to look at my troubles with the questions: "What am I getting out of this? What twisted benefit or pleasure do I get from perpetuating my victimhood in this situation?" And then I need to follow up with questions like, "How can I gain that benefit through more honorable means? Is it an honorable benefit in the first place? What new skills can I learn so that I can move beyond this obstacle instead of stopping right here?" And probably a bunch of other related questions. (Anyone paying attention will understand the value and relevance of this discussion to the current issues of "racism/claims of racist victimhood" here in New Orleans. People need to get over it -- there will always be racist idiots, but living a life in perpetual victimhood, finding 'racism' in every detail of life is not only stupid, it is personally crippling. Fuck it. Get over it. Those who cry "racism" the most are the absolute WORST racists of all -- they focus on race at every turn and cry 'foul' at every opportunity. Fuck it. I haven't time for that.) And on that note, I have a LOT to do today. See ya! |
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Easter 16 Apr 2006 Good Sunday morning! Slept poorly, woke early, but I have a busy morning. I usually make groceries on Sunday morning, but I'm going to start going on Mondays instead -- most other folks are at work, and I can shop at my leisure, while other "9-to-5 working stiffs" try to squeeze into the market when they can. I don't like long lines, so I get to shop when the lines are shorter. My current "hurricane evacuation plan" is to get my ass out of town as soon as it looks like we'll be hit. Depending on projected strikes, I'll either hop a plane to my buddy's house in Florida, or hop a plane to my kids' place in Texas. O'course I would prefer NOT to have to go through that at all this year, but at least I have some (minimal) financial resources I can get a plane out if I absolutely must. I just hope I don't have to, because I'll need my money for survival while the business grows. Here's something new.... I've been reading The Gospel of Thomas in the bathroom lately (doesn't EVERYone keep a stack of reading material there?), and was struck by this passage. 97. Jesus said, "The [Father's] kingdom is like a woman who was carrying a [jar] full of meal. While she was walking along [a] distant road, the handle of the jar broke and the meal spilled behind her [along] the road. She didn't know it; she hadn't noticed a problem. When she reached her house, she put the jar down and discovered that it was empty." The version I'm reading in the bathroom has the translation and annotation by Stevan Davies. Of this passage, Davies writes: "There is no reason to think that Jesus' parables ere clearly understood by his audiences. Scholars in the past century have repeatedly concluded that his parables were startling and shocking, that they made unexpected connections and similes. *** Through the discovery of the Gospel of Thomas we have, for the firt time in nearly two thousand years, the opportunity to hear Jesus' voice "speaking in parables" without the intervening commentary of evangelists and preachers and church tradition. Thomas's saying 97 is one example. But for me to go further and offer any explanation of the parable's meaning would undermine its value as an almost unique example of what a parable of Jesus would have sounded like to an audience of his own time. If you find saying 97 shocking or puzzling or even flat-out imcomprehensible, then you probably hear it as it was heard then. Well... I don't know about all of that, but in viewing the passage in general, holding it out at arm's length, rather than under the microscope of critical examination of every jot and tittle, I find Saying 97 makes good sense ... especially from an abstract, non-legalistic, non-fundamentalist perspective (which I happen to be blessed with, by the way!). What *I* get from Saying 97 is this: if I want to manifest the Kingdom in my life, I know that I have a vessel full of all that I've been given. I go along down the road, spilling it as I go, without even knowing it -- I touch people's lives without even trying. I don't go out of my way to measure a portion here, a portion there. I just go my way and live my life, and little grains of the Kingdom are dribbling out whether I like it or not, whether I know it or not. And, when I reach the end of my journey (arriving at home), I will have then been emptied of all that I've been given. This would be contrasted with those who seem to go out of their way to "prove their spirituality", spouting off the pious phrases, doing all the right rituals and so forth. The Kingdom (and you must define that term for yourself) is NOT about proving it, making special showings of it, or any such thing. The Kingdom is found by living the life, going about your business, and allowing the blessing you have been given to just dribble out along the way. The Kingdom is about outpouring from within (which is where the Kingdom is, you see) Well, anyway, that's what *I* got out of it. Maybe you got something else from the passage. I'm not interested in debating the details about "who was the woman?" "how did the jar handle break off?" "How come she didn't notice her load getting lighter as she walked?" "How far was her journey?" and all the other questions nit-pickers might want to come up with. The Kingdom is within, it dribbles out along the way, you reach the end of your journey, and that's that. There are some other interesting passages in the Gospel of Thomas, which I might share with you over the coming days. For now, the day is drawing to a close, and I have a busy day tomorrow with work-related stuff. Any thoughts you want to share?? |
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What a Day! 15 Apr 2006 Woke today feeling fairly good. After I hang a load of laundry on the line, I'm going to take another bike ride before it gets too warm to do so. I am definitely looking forward to being able to ride each morning instead of having to log onto the office network, check mail and so forth. But I'll wait until after the morning rush hour anyway. I dislike crazy-ass drivers who believe that they have to be somewhere right now and have little regard for others sharing the road. Re-shaved the head this morning in the shower. Still a bit skritchy in spots, but better than it was. I'll need to work on it some more, but for this weather it's pretty nice. Thankfully I have the camera set up already. I keep trying to make a little video clip for my granddaughter (still) and I can't think of anything intelligent to say so it always comes up totally goofy. Okay.... I went and did my bike ride. It only took about 45 minutes today, because I sprinted around part of the park instead of casually riding. One thing I realized today is that I need to knit a biking cap to wear under my helmet. There are large air holes (I'm sure there's a better name) in the helmet to allow ventilation. But those same ventilation holes are large enough to allow for sunburn or at least tanning. Heaven forbid I should have ventilation tan lines streaking fore and aft on my head! |
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Good Friday? 14 Apr 2006 (Note: Long post today) G'morning. I have an enormous creepy-crawly headache climbing up from the base of my neck. It started last night, calmed down when I went to bed, but woke up pretty much when I did -- I maybe I woke because IT did?? I dunno. I'm continueing to work on the prayer shawl / comfort wrap for the woman who lost her cousin recently (this is the family who evacuated to California after Katrina, losing pretty much everything, and then just a few weeks ago her young cousin was discovered to have brain cancer and was dead within a week -- horrible shock to the family). Here's the progress so far:
and a close up of the stitch detail
I really wanted it in a different colorway, but the GrapeBerry kept insisting on being used for this, so that's the way it is. Right now, the wrap is about 32 inches long, and 12 inches wide. When I block it out it should be about 14 or 15 inches wide, so that the stitch definition is better. It will have the GrapeBerry at both ends, with the solid BabyTeal in the center panel. It would likely go faster on the machine, of course, but as a prayer wrap, I want to have my fingers touch EVERY stitch along the way so that the recipient gets the full benefit of it. (That's not a universal rule, just a personal choice -- as a gift of spirit, I want to be sure I am as involved with each stitch as possible.) Plus, it is my current "take-along" project -- I can knit on the bus, at the coffeehouse, in the back yard, and looking at TV. I manage to do about 2 hours or more per day just on this project. Most of today will be focused on housecleaning. I've been feeling crowded and cluttered, leading to unpleasant feelings. I need a cleaner and more organized environment in order to move forward. But the weather is supposed to be amazingly glorious, so I won't hide indoors all day. I'll come back this evening with some other notes, I'm sure. Later..... Yes, it was a good day! I took a bike ride up and around Audubon Park just before mid-day, and later on did some yard work outside in the front, trying to just make the place lived-in. And I got in another couple hours on the prayer wrap project, adding several more inches to it. I was surprised that today was not a U.S. Mail holiday (for Good Friday), but was pleased that mail was delivered. Along with the stack of political advertising postcards, this also came in the mail:
Isn't that pretty? If you can't read the text it says: "When you see a butterfly know that I am near, for I now have wings of gossamer with which to fly free." On the inside, the card says:
They even wrote my grandson's name. He was born April 13, 2001, and died October 1, 2001 -- just a few weeks after the horrors of 9/11 in New York. I really did not want to fly at all, but I had to be with my family for my first grandson's funeral. It was a hard time for me, because I hadn't been able to get to Texas to see him before he died. It was SIDS, totally unexpected. AGAST is the Alliance of Grandparents, A Support in Tragedy -- a sort of network for grandparents of children lost to SIDS, as well as other tragedies of infancy (stillbirth, miscarriage, illness, etc.) . I'd actually forgotten that I had put myself on their mailing list, but it is good that they sent this reminder. My 7th grandchild was born this past October, and my 2nd grandson. But there's no way to replace ANY of the children or grandchildren, and none should be forgotten. Even though most people don't need a run-down of how many are living or dead, whenever I'm asked how many grandchidren there are, I usually say "My 7th was just recently born -- I've been blessed with five granddaughters and two grandsons so far." And it's true and will always be true. If more come along, I'll just add to the total number. After all my outdoorsing today, I went in to buzz my head. On inspection I noticed a missed patch, so I grabbed the electric razor, hoping to smooth it down. Well, poop, that took off too much, so I had to shave the whole thing. But even that left some odd-ish patches, so I went back with my regular shaving razor. Oy! And it is STILL uneven. Tomorrow when I shower and shave I'll do the WHOLE head. And then I'll have to put some stuff on my head to allow tanning without burning. Nothing's worse than a shaved head with that just-shaved whiteness. It is becoming warm, but pleasantly there is very, very low humidity, so I've been able to avoid using the A/C still. I hope I don't have to use it at all, but so far I've been comfortable with all accessible doors and windows open, and a couple of floor fans to move the air around. Oh yeah, and not a lot of clothing. That reminds me. Does anyone else have an aversion to clothing? I've noticed over the last several months that sometimes wearing clothes is not just uncomfortable but downright NOT pleasant at all. And it's not that my clothes are tight or even snug-fitting. Okay, the waist of my jeans is a bit snug (to be relieved by increased bike riding and reduced caloric intake--that part's a no-brainer), but I'm talking about regular pants and shirts. I wear mostly cotton, so I know it isn't a failure of the fabric to breath. But having clothing touching my skin just drives me up a friggin' wall sometimes. And there are even times I wish my skin wasn't touching my insides so much. Isn't that weird? Just one week from tomorrow will be the election for mayor. This Monday evening at 8:00 there will be a nationally televised debate of the leading mayoral candidates, moderated by Norman Robinson (from our local NBC station) and Chris Matthews from MSNBC. It will be televised on both WDSU and MSNBC, as well as simulcast in videostreaming on WDSU.com and MSNBC.com. This is so that displaced voters everywhere in the country will have somewhat better access to hearing the candidates. I'm not sure an hour is sufficient, but I would be really, REALLY grateful if some of you in other places could tune in to watch it and send me your thoughts of the various candidates. That might be an unfair request, since most of you aren't all that concerned with our local mayoral election, but I would really like to hear an outsider's opinion from people who have NO emotional, financial, or political ties to New Orleans. And on that note, I'm off to bed. |
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Keys can mean a lot of things 11 Apr 2006 Today I removed many keys from the key ring I've worn on my hip for years.
Let's see ... there's the key to my office credenza, two keys for two separate file cabinets, plus an assortment of keys for outer door, inner door, rest room.... and these are all the keys I used daily at my day job. Mind you, I've not been to the office and needed the keys since August 26. I've carried these keys just because I had them. There's a sense of security about keys, I guess -- having keys means I can always get in if I need to. Considering the building has remained inaccessible all this time, it's not much point carrying these particular keys any more. Especially since next Friday is my last day on this job and there's no indication access to the building will be restored. (Fortunately, on one of the permitted, escorted forays into the darkness, I was smart enough to take out EVERYthing I thought I might want, and all my personal stuff.) All that is left on my active key ring now is a key to my house front door deadbolt, and a key to my house backdoor deadbolt. I don't like carrying keys in my pocket because they tear up the pockets and make holes. But I feel sort of silly carrying a big-ass hip-clip for just two little keys. I might have to get a long neck-chain or lanyard to wear my keys where I can reach them but they aren't hanging around for others to see and grab. But keys also signify access to inner wisdom and knowledge, in the esoteric teachings. Letting go of 'keys' can have serious ramifications. But (as Oliver Wendel Holmes noted) "A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension." So even if you let go of the key, you never quite lose everything that the key represents. Letting go all of those keys signifies letting go of the day job. It's really happening, and I'm moving forward. Scares the shit outta me, y'know? But I keep going back to that single thought -- if Katrina had wiped me out, I'd be starting over totally from scratch, so I'm already ahead of the game. This single insight is a MAJOR key that I dare lot let loose. I NEED that a lot these days, and will need it even more in the days yet to come. Oh HEY!!!! Here's some pictures of the yarns I did over the weekend. I'm still not happy with the colorings, but there's no accounting for taste, so I'm sure SOMEbody will be thrilled with these:
These were all dyed with a different technique from what I used before, and it didn't work. But having followed the procedure, I know what to change for a better end-result. Maybe instead of concentrating on specific colorways and master recipes, I should just go hog-wild and fill up my lines with all unique combinations....? They'd be great for shawls, socks, and similar goodies. O'course, I'd have to post each one individually and each one could only be sold once... that may be more difficult than a one-man shop can handle. |
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Always Learning 9 Apr 2006 First off, today has been a wonderfully gloriously sunshiney day. Very Good. And low humidity, which helps the breathing. I dyed 10 hanks of yarn today, in a wild assortment of painted on colors, then wrapped them and set them in the sun to bake. I'll see tonight if I like this method. What I learned along the way:
But, as I've said before, this is all a learning process. Yesterday I took a bike ride up to Audubon Park and around. Today I rode up for my Sunday morning knitting at Cafe Luna. It is a good thing, but I know my legs (knees) feel it, and not always in the most pleasant of ways. Just two more weeks until I am done (mostly) with the day job. I feel soooo "un-ready". But I know it is all good in the end, as long as I focus on WHY I'm changing and then focus on WHAT I need to be DOing to make the change a good one. |
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Focus Focus Focus 8 Apr 2006 What is important? What needs to be done in order for something to progress to the next step? I have to be very careful I don't get sucked into things that don't matter, particularly when instigated by outsiders who don't know me, don't know my values, and don't share my goals. Just two weeks from today we will be voting for Mayor, City Council members, and a few other positions. I'm not going to vote for ANY incumbent. One organization is calling for a Clean Sweep which is very cool, although I'm not going to plant a broom in my front yard -- it would be stolen within minutes! I have printed out the roster of candidates, and I am marking my choices. First I have eliminated all the obviously unsuited candidates, and one by one (via the various debates, forums, and candidate Web sites) scratching others off. Beyond that, I'm avoiding discussions with outsiders. It dawned on me yesterday that there are too many outsiders interacting on the online forums -- people who haven't lived here in years, some who have never lived here, and many who will likely not live here in the future. I'm sure they have their personal attachments and reasons, but none of them are actually relevant to the people actually living here and trying to bring this city back together. It's nice to have a cheering section, and it's nice to know that others are observing and watching the progress, but the people here have to do the work and quit 'shaking hands and signing autographs' with the cheering section. I need to stop interacting with outsiders. Period. It's a waste of my time to interact on local issues with people whom I will never meet and who have no influence on my future in New Orleans or in Texas. I appreciate their concern and support, but I can't give up the energy to entertain them. Today I have a few projects to complete. The computer will be turned off for most of the day. What do you to to avoid distractions and stay focused? |
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Even better now 6 Apr 2006 Feeling much better today. Still hurt in various places. I did, however, piss away the day deliberately NOT doing what I was "supposed" to be doing, either for the day job or for Knitivity. Instead I went down to Blockbuster and snagged a copy of Brokeback Mountain. It was okay. Just okay. I avoided wasting much time on the online forums, too. Too much negativity, and too many outsiders. It's one thing to have an interest, but it's another thing when outsiders dominate the discussions. I think I've pretty much made up my mind on who I will vote for to be the next Mayor. Nagin's just GOT to go, and I hope enough intelligent people vote the right way. We need to get rid of him, the current Police Chief, the Sheriff, the D.A., and ALL of the City Council. Not a one of them is good for New Orleans now. We totally need a NEW New Orleans, and it cannot happen with any of the old administration. I'm not sure if the D.A. post is up for election this time around, but as soon as his gig is up, he needs to be replaced. It is particularly laughable that Nagin keeps beating the pulpit with his "experience", saying that the run of is in May, and hurricane starts June 1, and anyone else coming into office will still be trying to find the right keys to the doors in City Hall the first 100 days. Oh bull-fucking-shit. Most of the front line candidates know which ways the doors swing in City Hall, and some of them are qualified to take the doors off the hinges entirely. That's what's needed, and a short list of candidates could actually pull it off. I don't want a white-washed city any more than I want a "chocolate city". Both extremes are not just wrong, but immorally wrong. It's a shame there are not enough QUALIFIED candidates who were able to raise a sufficient campain fund to make a real run on the offices that are available. OH HEY, I'm not sure I mentioned this -- a friend of mine (and co-worker at the day job) is creating some VERY COOL Lagniappe goodies to enclose with my first yarn orders. I can't say what it is just yet, but it is definitely in the tradition of New Orleans. Just 2-3 weeks (or less, probably), and I'll have the yarns posted AND some of the Lagniappe goodies that people will get just for ordering. This really is exciting, and every day I get closer to being my own boss. The first three months will be incredibly stressful, but envigorating as well (I hope). My only fear is that my body will go into rebellion just when I need it to be strong. One of the things I'm doing for that is avoiding negative stress factors (like the online forums), plus making myself exercise some EVERY day (mostly walking or biking, but anything is better than nothing), and I've picked up some books from my shelf to help get back to my center and balance point. If I lose track of my spiritual values I will surely fail. If I listen to what Spirit tells me, I will do far better in the end. Onward into the evening. What is the MOST MEANINGFUL OR TOUCHING INNER MESSAGE/LESSON you have been given in the last 7 days? |
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Better Today 5 April 2006 Have to mention again the value of But You Don't Look Sick and The Spoon Theory that you will find linked there. If you don't deal with chronic pain, fatigue, and depletion of a type that doesn't come on a calendared schedule, you must learn to comprehend what it is like for those of us who do. You just have to, and the explanation of the Spoon Theory is as good a way to illustrate it as I have found. Even if you never feel it, at least you might begin to understand it. Monday I was starting to feel pretty bad in my knees. Actually, it was painful on Sunday when I was at Cafe Luna, and I'd had some precursors late last week. But yesterday I had to go to the dentist (routine 4-month cleaning) and then over to the office. By the time I got home from all the walking around downtown, I was in SUCH pain! Finally, this evening, after over 24 hours on arthritis strength acetaminophen I'm feeling mostly okay, although the knees still hurt when I stand or sit, and stairs are a problem. I have no doubt that having to climb up and down on and off the bus doesn't help either. Many of the rickety (and some borrowed) buses apparently don't have a functioning 'kneeling' feature anymore, as I rarely see it being used. It's a HUGE step up or down, and puts a lot of strain in the knees, which leads to long bouts of pain afterward. I have come to DREAD having to go to the office, which is thankfully only once or twice a week, and only for brief periods each visit. From the bus line, it's about a 10 block walk to where I can access the overhead walkway via elevator, so that when I reach my building I only have to climb up 2 flights of stairs (about 18 steps each flight). If I walked the street to the entrance closest to the building, it would mean another 2 long flights just to reach the walkway. The problem isn't so much the pain (although it does interfere a LOT). The impact on my life is that it drains me and takes away from other things I want to do. In particular, the last 2-3 days I've been fairly unable (incredibly UNmotivated, actually) to do much dyeing, knitting, or anything else, other than my carry-along project that I keep for bus-riding or coffeehouse visiting. This is NOT a good thing, and scares me a bit. What if my body is falling apart and I am unable to actually DO enough dyeing and other essential things in order to pursue this business? I would absolutely die if I become disabled, y'know? Today, after a 2nd trip to the dentist (yesterday he found a filling that needed a small repair, so I went back today), I had to bike up to Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions, and while I was there I found some hair-dye type small squeeze bottles. YIPPEEEE!!!! This will suffice just fine for small-batch dyeing of a hand-paint method that will be less weight-intensive (better for my shoulders, back, and elbows!). This is a good thing. And then since I was already out and about, I biked up to Cafe Luna and had the pleasure of chatting with another forum regular and her husband, plus meeting some other new people. I don't know if it is just me and my hormones, but has New Orleans suddenly sprouted a plethora of hot, studly, "lets-go-fuck-in-the-bushes-and-oh-yeah-what's-your-name-again?" good-looking men??? I mean, almost every time I go out anywhere, I see LOTS of hunky, sexy men. I wouldn't ever DO anything with them, of course, and definitely not with a stranger, so I don't know why I am suddenly noticing these guys more and more. Oh well, I'll just chalk it up to "seeing the beauty around me in spite of a fucked up, trashed-out city," I guess. hehehehehe But, I AM feeling somewhat slightly more better physically this evening that I've felt in many days. Tomorrow and Friday I have several VERY IMPORTANT projects to pursue for the day job, as well as catching up on the Knitivity stuff. I hope my body will support me for that. I have to remind myself to get out and walk or ride my bike EVERY day no matter what. If I give in to the pain, I know in the long run it will be worse. OH!!!! And I'm back down to 180 pounds. I'd still like to reach 165 or 170, but it won't happen this week or next. But I'll keep working at it, eating less and exercising more. But now it is way past my bedtime. See ya!
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owie! 4 Apr 2006 Well, shit.... this is one of those days that I really dread. The pain throughout my body is a couple steps more than just annoying. |
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Frustration! 3 Apr 2006 I might not have mentioned it before, but I will probably be moving away from New Orleans. HA! No, seriously, I am reaching my limit on how much bullshit I am willing to put up with here. When a former mayor shows up at a rally sporting a t-shirt that says "Bring New Orleans Black", it is clear that whites are no longer welcome in this city. The current mayor has already dismissed whites, hispanics, and now snubbed a thriving Vietnamese community, and then a former mayor shows up to underscore the message ... enough is enough, y'know? I am at a loss to know how to even address the myriad of problems here, but most of them are, in fact, created by and perpetuated by a segment of the black population (not all, just a segment). Education, civility, punctuality, proper attire ... these are all "white" things and rejected by the black population. Whenever there's a stink about it, the blacks say it's the white's fault, but when whites try to make changes they're told to back off. I have come to realize that that segment of the black population ENJOYS being the victim. They don't WANT to change, when playing the victim is sufficient. Here's an interesting article from BayouBuzz, on the "Right To Return" scam perpetrated at last Saturday's march. Puts it back into the realm of rational thought, and sorta blows the cover off all those damned racists running the show last weekend. If the black folks would quit crying racism at every turn, they'd be more believable when things really DO happen that need serious attention. A white man telling a black child to straighten up or quit cussing in public is NOT a racist act, but that's how it would be interpreted by the child, his momma, and all the thugs down the street. No wonder white folks are tired of it. ++++++ Later.... Thought I was unscathed from the switch to Daylight Saving Time. Guess not. I collapsed on the bed for a brief rest around 2:30. Woke at almost 4:30. OMG!!!!! And enormous joint pain, to boot. Day-ammm!!! This evening I have some projects to work on. The temperature reached a record for this day of 86 degrees. And I've still not turned on the A/C. I'm hoping I don't have to for a while yet. |
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What a night!!! 1 Apr 2006 I went to bed fairly early last night, then woke a little after midnight after a rousing nightmare. In my dream I was being held at gunpoint. I could feel the gun held up close to my face. I couldn't tell if the guy wanted to rob me, or rape me, or some other thing, but I still recall the feel of the pistol barrel as I tried to push it away from me. Not a lot of fun in that dream, and I left it as soon as I could. I managed to get myself back to sleep, but woke with another HORRIBLE headache rumbling up the back of my head. I suspect it is because I had my normal mid-day nap yesterday, but did not have any caffeine afterward. I am re-thinking the orangy looking laceyarn from yesterday....
Most of my yarns have been coming up in fairly predictable space-dyed areas, but that orangey stuff (I haven't officially named it) really intrigues me. I want see if I can replicate that effect on some other colors the way I did this one. First I need to let this lot dry enough that I can knit it up and see how it looks (a couple more days, I'm sure). If the effect is what I want, it will be a definite "Yes" on adding a special set of those colors. I am excited about this particular technique. Now, having said that, I have to say that I dyed 15 hanks yesterday, in 3 large pots or runs. Holy crap, my back hurts! The kitchen sink isn't large enough to fill the pots there, so I have to fill the pots in the bathtub, then carry it to the stove.... and then after dyeing, the full hot pot with yarn gets carried out to the porch to cool. It would be GREAT to have an outdoor kitchen set-up. My concern is that I know how much I have to dye and sell per day (on average, I mean), and I don't know if my back will allow me to do that much lifting. Fortunately, there are techniques for less labor-intensive dyeing, which I will be exploring. Oh hey! Here's a pic of the prayer shawl I've been working on:
============= Other stuff: Today is the April Fools march across the river, led by Jesse Jackson, and others. I am amazed they got Bill Cosby to join in their little circus. I'm sorry, but I think the entire thing is a ridiculous waste of time, AND a serious depletion of police forces. At a time when crime is rising, who the fuck would assign cops onto parade duty??? It is insane, and I personally don't think they are marching for a worthy cause. But that's just my opinion. If I don't agree with the "issues" and don't understand what the fuss is all about, suddenly *I* am narrow-minded, short-sighted, and racist. Bullshit. One of my sister's is coming in a couple weeks (over Easter weekend!) to help me get my house in order so I can get ready to leave. I think a large part of the effort will simply be helping me sort out the stuff for the yard sale. I have a LOT to sort and tag. There are some things I'll be selling on eBay, and some things I can sell through Craigslist, which has become an incredibly popular advertising medium for a wide variety of things. But a lot of my stuff can just as easily go to a yard sale. Wednesday afternoon I replaced the mini-blinds in my bedroom, all 5 sets. I had bought the miniblinds last Spring, thinking I'd get around the cleaning out and repainting the bedroom. That didn't happened, and then when Katrina hit and destroyed the ceiling even more, I'm glad I didn't invest the time and energy. BUT, the miniblinds just HAD to be replaced, they were dingy and dusty, truly affecting my mood in there. The cool part is that replacing them was not nearly as time-consuming as I'd expected. The new ones fit exactly into the old brackets. Man, what a blessing that was! No drilling, no screwing, no hardware changes -- just lift out the old ones, slip in the new ones, and there it was! Bright white miniblinds (along with a wall and crevice all-over dusting) made a significant change. Next weekend, I'll take down the drapes in the living room and wash them. That will help in the living room as well, I'm sure. Lessons from Friends: M-H writes: Ray, the colours are fine. You mighn't like the
colour of old celery Ah yes... there are no mistakes, and there will always be someone who likes something I would personally not choose. It's about marketing, pleasing the customer and so forth. I have to remember that, and be willing to let go personal favorites in favor of creating what will actually sell. A forum poster writes (part of a private exchange regarding being banned on the forums for apparently no rational reason): I had become obsessed with the forum the last couple of weeks and I'm actually glad this has occurred because I need to concentrate on the future which, I suspect, does not include a continuing residency in New Orleans. AMEN! I've come to realize that the people on the forum are quite passionate in their opinions, but every single one of them is totally wrong if they aren't agreeing with me (hehehehehe -- just kidding) . But really, it is depressing to see all the foolishness and irrational discussions and scare-mongering, along with all the racial (and sometimes racist) fighting. I see no reason for it. I'm not racist, wasn't raised where race was important (and there were plenty of both blacks and hispanics in my youth, so there was no lack of opportunity for racism -- but it just didn't exist in my realm in the 60's), and I get frustrated listening to people who insist on living in the 50's and 60's and just won't let go of it. I have a strong bias against a culture of ignorance, false entitlement, crude incivility. I have no bias against a whole race of people. But here in the south, the culture of ignorance, entitlement and incivility are predominantly expressed by members of the black population. I know too many blacks who do NOT fit that description, and I respect them completely for rising above the ways of previous generations. But it is not racist to point out that most of the social ills of the city are perpetuated by blacks failing to take responsibility for themselves and finding themselves a place at the table as equals, preferring to sit on the steps outside in protest. As long as they choose to stay outside with their protests and marches they will not be (and should not be) taken too seriously. They need to come sit at the table and be a part of the solution instead of perpetuating the problems based on victim mentality. Anyway, I appreciate the reminder that I, too, need to get away from the forums, focus on my future, and remember that my future does not include remaining in this city. I will vote for the leadership I think will do best for the city, of course, but I won't take it too personally because I'm leaving. And, having said that, I'm going to upload this page, and turn off the computer until this evening. |
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| Copyright ©2006, by Ray Whiting, New Orleans, LA |
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