What the hell? It’s obnoxiously hot. Yes, yes, I know — this is southeast Texas in August.

But it is gawd-awful hot.

I had a minor panic this morning. Last Wednesday I went to get a cortisone shot and to leave some urine and blood samples in the lab to be done before I can see my endocrinologist to discuss my diabetes and whatever other issues he see in my labs. So in my online chart with the clinic I can view all lab results, so I went to check — omg there were results from tests ordered by the urologist but I didn’t see any lab results for the endo. I had such difficulty with my clinic visits already, because the orthopedist cancelled two weeks in a row before getting me in last week. If I didn’t get the labs done that day I’d have to pay out of pocket for transport to the lab again.

So I was freaking out about not having the right labs done. I sent a message to the endo’s office asking them to check that my endo labs were also completed, else I’d have to do it next month and thus delay my visit to the endo for sometime after the labs were done. The nurse in the endo’s office messaged back and said the labs WERE all done and were just waiting for the endo to review before letting them post to my online chart.

That gave me some peace of mind. And probably silly of me to get worked up about it. But I do get worked up about things when things are not as I had expected. I don’t handle change well, but when I know there are changes I can usually manage to flow with it. From The Big Book: “My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.” Boy, ain’t that the truth. Between the crappy hot weather, my body feeling like shit, not getting enough sleep, and not nearly enough money even for just the basics, my serenity and my expectations have been in constant battle lately. I want to just chill but it’s not easy when I neeeeeed to be making more money.

On the other side, though, I was just sent a little money for a very do-able custom job that can be done this week. That’s nice.

And it helps to remember that good things DO happen even when my life feels like shit. It’s been almost 30 years since I was in an ACoA meeting (Adult Children of Alcoholics), and much of the 12-Step philosophy as a whole is just bullshit (especially the “Higher Power” stuff), there were some lessons that really stuck with me, and I am grateful I can draw on those lessons.