Monthly Archives: August 2021

Super Frustrated

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

Over and over again on Facebook, state after state is posting their current COVID-19 surges. Roughly 95% of the current hospitalizations and deaths are people who were not vaccinated.

What The Fuck, people?? The vaccines are FREE.

Again today, a relative shared that a friend of theirs (someone I’ve never heard of) died from COVID-19, saying “they got their wings today.” I went to that other person’s page and found bunches of posts requesting prayers for that person and their family, along with posts mocking the vaccines.

What is wrong with people? The information is available, but some folks listen to bullshit-spewing idiots claiming the pandemic is a hoax, the vaccines don’t work, and all sots of other conspiracy theory bullshit.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want this disease (or any other) to kill people. It’s a horrible way to die and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, no matter their beliefs. They are still human and deserve a healthy life. But I am finding it hard to muster up a lot of sympathy for people who willfully choose to not avail themselves of a FREE vaccine because of some bullshit excuse spouted by some ignorant talking head on TV.

Obviously I’m not going to go up to someone who lost a spouse or family member and ask, “Well, did they get the vaccine??” That’s just rude and doesn’t help their present grief. I’m sorry for their loss, and I know they will be going through the grieving process which is sad.

But I have to confess I don’t feel a whole lot of sad. Just like when someone is speeding down the freeway at 90 mph and end up in a wreck, or when people today (with today’s incredible accessible information) choose to have unprotected sex with strangers, and end up with one or another infectious disease. Yeah, it sucks, but it was a CHOICE. It totally sucks when people have to bear the consequence of their own choice.

When deliberately unvaccinated people get sick or die, that is the consequence of their choice. And at this stage of the pandemic, there is really no excuse for making such an ignorant and ill-informed choice.

Does that make me cruel and insensitive and uncaring? I don’t think so. But other people might have different opinions. They’d be wrong, of course, but they’re entitled to their own opinions.

Am I dying? Or just melting?

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

What the hell? It’s obnoxiously hot. Yes, yes, I know — this is southeast Texas in August.

But it is gawd-awful hot.

I had a minor panic this morning. Last Wednesday I went to get a cortisone shot and to leave some urine and blood samples in the lab to be done before I can see my endocrinologist to discuss my diabetes and whatever other issues he see in my labs. So in my online chart with the clinic I can view all lab results, so I went to check — omg there were results from tests ordered by the urologist but I didn’t see any lab results for the endo. I had such difficulty with my clinic visits already, because the orthopedist cancelled two weeks in a row before getting me in last week. If I didn’t get the labs done that day I’d have to pay out of pocket for transport to the lab again.

So I was freaking out about not having the right labs done. I sent a message to the endo’s office asking them to check that my endo labs were also completed, else I’d have to do it next month and thus delay my visit to the endo for sometime after the labs were done. The nurse in the endo’s office messaged back and said the labs WERE all done and were just waiting for the endo to review before letting them post to my online chart.

That gave me some peace of mind. And probably silly of me to get worked up about it. But I do get worked up about things when things are not as I had expected. I don’t handle change well, but when I know there are changes I can usually manage to flow with it. From The Big Book: “My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.” Boy, ain’t that the truth. Between the crappy hot weather, my body feeling like shit, not getting enough sleep, and not nearly enough money even for just the basics, my serenity and my expectations have been in constant battle lately. I want to just chill but it’s not easy when I neeeeeed to be making more money.

On the other side, though, I was just sent a little money for a very do-able custom job that can be done this week. That’s nice.

And it helps to remember that good things DO happen even when my life feels like shit. It’s been almost 30 years since I was in an ACoA meeting (Adult Children of Alcoholics), and much of the 12-Step philosophy as a whole is just bullshit (especially the “Higher Power” stuff), there were some lessons that really stuck with me, and I am grateful I can draw on those lessons.

COVID-19 is changing me

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

I have been good and (mostly) diligent in trying to follow all the public health protocols to keep myself and others safe from the virus — masking, distancing, vaccination.

It is discouraging and depressing that so many people have actively chosen not to take the vaccine now that it has been available for virtually anyone who wants it. And even more depressing that deaths and hospitalizations are again on the increase because of pure stupidity on the part of too many people.

I had considered going to Kroger later this morning. I decided not to, but instead put in another order for delivery. It is more expensive that way, including the delivery charge ($9.95) plus 15% tip for the shopper. But taking a Lyft so I can do my own shopping can sometimes cost even more, since the Lyft charges fluctuate and I always tip the drivers, so it’s “six of one, half dozen of the other.” I don’t mind paying for that service, as it keeps me out of public circulation and helps someone else make some money. On the other hand, of course, it means I’m not wandering the aisles filling my cart with things that aren’t on my list. 🙂

But it also means I am not walking to/from Kroger, which isn’t a good thing. I have trouble taking a walk just to be taking a walk. I need a destination or a reason to be walking somewhere. Walking to/from Kroger was just part of doing what needed to be done, but I wouldn’t walk it just to be walking. It is depressing to notice the ways that my body has changed over the years, especially since the Big Surgery. And the onset of the pandemic occurred within days of the Big Surgery, so while my recovery was moving forward, the rest of the world was closing down, so I didn’t really have much reason to be going places.

Now, having said all that, I DO generally feel better and somewhat more able than I felt a year ago, so my recovery continues, and I know I need to increase my level of activity. While I’m not walking distances, I do sometimes turn on Radio Garden and listen to music from all over. I particularly like Bollywood Punjabi radio for dancing as I work — no particular dance moves, but just moving my arms and legs and body to the music. It’s all exercise, right? (Radio Garden is amazing! http://radio.garden/listen/bollywood-punjabi-radio/NWQCPIx6)

Today I will be making yarns ready to dye, and tomorrow I’ll have a dye session.

My thumb is still hurting a bit from the trigger joint, but not as bad as before the cortisone. Last time it took a few weeks before I got my full range of motion in my thumb, so I’m trying to be patient about it. I really want to get back to the projects that have been waiting for me to be able to knit and crochet. Hard to feel like doing it when doing so makes my thumb hurt.

Onward into the day I go.

Another Month Gone By?

Ray Whiting -- Posted on by

Well, it would appear a month has gone by without a post from me. At the end of July, my WordPress got corrupted. After several days of the tech support team working on it, they finally pulled a restore from another server, which allowed me access once again, but in doing so it wiped out my posts after July 4. I don’t even remember what I posted about.

My trigger thumb came back and yesterday I was finally able to get in to see the dr. for another cortisone shot. I had been scheduled for two weeks ago, but the dr. called in sick so I rescheduled for last week but he was again not seeing patients in person, so it was moved to yesterday.

Today the thumb is less sore, less stiff. Last time it took 3-4 weeks to regain full mobility. I hope it doesn’t take that long this time. If the problem returns in another 5 or 6 months I will probably request the surgery where they go in and do some sort of release to allow the tendon to do what it should and fix it permanently.

While I was at the clinic for the ortho dr., I was able to visit the lab for blood/urine samples. I’ll see the endocrinologist in a couple weeks to see how my diabetes and other issues are doing.

In general the last month or two has been incredibly stressful for me — sales have been down, money has been getting tighter and I’m starting to feel like I did several years ago — stuck, poor, limited, and insecure about the future. It’s not a good feeling, and in some ways that feeling of ‘stuckness’ has affected my eating habits and other choices I’ve been making. Not always the best choices, either, which makes me feel bad, which leads to more poor choices.

I could fill a dumpster with so much stuff that I really should get rid of. I know I’ve talked about it, and thought about it even more, but it is ridiculous to hold on to things I don’t need and most likely will never use. There are boxes in the closet filled with things that I packed when I left New Orleans. I think the sheer volume of “stuff” is intimidating to me. I need a plan of action so I can sift and sort my shit in a rational manner.

I am incredibly disappointed in how this country is handling COVID-19. Once the vaccines came out it looked like we were going in the right direction, but there are soooo fucking many anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers and now the Delta variant is sweeping the country. Virtually all the hospitalizations and deaths are among those who chose not to get vaccinated, and many of them STILL say they won’t take the shot and don’t give a shit about masking or distancing. It’s crazy, but as for me I am not about to change and go mingling with people any time soon. I don’t understanding the thinking behind people not wanting to do even the smallest things that might help protect themselves and (more importantly) the more vulnerable among us. It’s just crazy.