Don’t worry, I’m not “not-okay”. Just frustrated with several things these days.

I didn’t post here about it, but several months ago I was having trouble with a trigger joint in my right thumb. It seriously interfered with my ability to work, and eventually I had to have a cortisone shot in my thumb. The doc didn’t guarantee it would fix it, but said IF it does recur it would be in about five months. Well, whattaya know — my thumb is again hurting and starting to trigger regularly. I stopped nearly all knitting and crocheting, hoping it would allow the thumb to return to normal, but apparently giving my thumb a rest didn’t make a damn bit of difference. So, I’ll need to go get another cortisone shot OR get lined up for the surgical release of the tendon that is causing the problem.

I’m also frustrated with my eyes. Nearly all my life, my right eye has been the better one, with the left eye requiring a stronger prescription lens. Now suddenly, in the last several months, my right eye is not focusing much at all, no matter which part of my glasses I’m viewing through, whether for near or far distance. I had my annual diabetic eye exam last Thursday. She confirmed that I do need a prescription adjustment for the right eye, but also I have cataracts in both eyes. In my right eye this makes it look as though I am viewing through a pane coated with a film of Vaseline or something, along with not being able to focus. Not for nothing, but if I’m going to continue dyeing yarns, I really really need to be able to see clearly enough to put the dye where I want it, AND to see the colors true and accurately. Fortunately I can see colors, and I can see “well enough”. But not as well as I used to, and not as well as I think I need to.

Like most people my age (or so I assume), money is tight and hard to come by. Even though I am on a good MedicareAdvantage plan, and my needs are not unusual or critical, it is still expensive to do the things I need to be doing. I am never able to really get ahead, always scrambling to dye and sell enough yarn to just barely get by…. and then dye and sell a little more so I can buy more yarn to dye and sell. I am soooooo tired of this cycle. The dyeing is fun, the selling is fine … but the constant struggle to make enough money is wearing me out. Several years ago (2017, I think… maybe 2018) I was able to dye and sell 100 skeins a month, and did over 1200 for the year. 2019 was rough because my body started going downhill, and then 2020 was even more rough because of my Big Surgery and not working for much of the year. Even now, I’m only up to the 480s, when I should be in the 600s.

I won’t get into all my financial woes, since nearly everyone else similar problems, and I am definitely better off than a lot of people. But it is still wearing me out. I need to find a way to bring in about $1,000 more each month and I don’t know how. And that amount would simply allow me to live without stress, not put me into any better quality of life in a material way. I can’t afford to do anything that I want to do — make the yard decent, pursue other interests, have some clothes other than my jeans-and-tees daily “uniform.”

I’m over 65. I’ve struggled nearly all my life, and I would like a bit of respite and opportunity to actually enjoy life instead of just muddling through.