The last few days have been sort of intense for me, and I’ve not been diligent in posting. Partly because it’s sort of boring posting the same thing every day — my daily finger-stick numbers are going to fluctuate and I don’t need to freak out or get super-excited when the numbers are noticeably good or bad. And partly because my blood pressure is fluctuating, mostly because of changes in the blood pressure meds to keep it really low to protect the aorta until after surgery. And partly because I’ve been using a nicotine patch instead of smoking — I deliberately ran out of cigarettes on Tuesday and switched to patches. I know what it’s like having to sneeze or cough after abdominal surgery, and this upcoming surgery is waaayyyy more involved than the hernia surgeries I had back in 1997. I figure putting the cigarettes aside early would help me deal with the surgery better. I’m not yet committed to actually quitting smoking forever and ever, just not smoking for now and we’ll see how it goes.

There was a nice thing yesterday — I had decided that Saturday would be the last planned shipping day for getting yarns out until I am able to get back to dyeing again. There weren’t very many remaining, anyway, but getting them moved out would mean a few extra dollars in my pocket and I would be able to start fresh when I do get to start working again. And so all the yarns that could be sold have been sold. So, yayyy.

I tried to go to bed at 10:00 this evening, but it’s now after midnight and I’m still awake. I lay in bed an hour and a half, but finally had to admit defeat and got out of bed.

The upcoming surgery is looming over my head — it will be on Wednesday. But there is prep work I have to do on Tuesday. And there are things I’ll need to do on Monday. It just feels like every day until then will require some other new thing from me. And I get cranky and anxious. Probably understandable, of course, so I am trying to take it all in stride. But holy shit this isn’t easy, when there are still everyday things to do as well — laundry, dishes, feeding myself, and all the rest. And trying to get the house in some sort of order so that when I come home it won’t all be a chaotic mess. This would all be more tolerable (I won’t say ‘easier’), if I didn’t live alone. On the other hand, I would probably be a horrible person to live with if there was someone else here.

Oh well. I guess I’ll try to go back to bed soon. I just ate a spoon of peanut butter, so maybe that will help.