I love it when ignorant people put on airs and try to sound like they know what they are talking about. Like The
Confused Confident Christian who posted this blogbit called Why the “Born This Way” Argument Fails. Once he goes astray he never comes back, so I’m only going to show where he went astray.
First, let’s make it clear: he is probably sincere in his beliefs, but he admits he is straight and sounds like he is a Christian. So right off the bat he does not know what it is like to be gay; at best he can only talk from a point of projection and/or hearsay, along with a big dose of religious doctrine instead of science. And second, as a Christian his views only apply to other Chrisians who willingly CHOOSE to be told what they have to believe in order to be “saved” or “get to heaven”.
We know that sexual orientation is not a choice, and most current science suggests it is something happening in the womb, but you know what? IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW IT HAPPENS, whether purely genetics within the embryo, or something to do with the mother’s genetics, or some other factor in infancy. We don’t know with 100% certainty which factors exist (yes, I believe it is likely several factors interacting together) that lead to sexual orientation. But what we do know is that we are gay and to try and change that causes more harm than good.
And we also know that religion IS a choice, and it is usually taken by default simply by accident of where you were born (national culture) and who your parents are (family religion). There are no Christian babies, no Muslim babies, no Hindu babies. Babies are not born with supernatural beliefs; they are fed supernatural beliefs in childhood, and they just go along with what their parents tell them, until they are old enough to think it through on their own and make an active personal choice.
So, here’s the set-up: some guy who chose to follow a set of ancient religious doctrines and precepts is writing about the realities of people who are gay through no choice of their own. And, for those who don’t know, I was once a Christian myself, and I did get married because I believe that by “doing the right thing” I could stop being gay. Didn’t work. You don’t just stop being gay, any more than you can stop having blue eyes or being 6 feet 7 inches tall or any other part of who you are.
So then, let’s see what this guy has to say:
In debating the issue of same-sex marriage, and homosexual behavior in general, a very common line of reasoning used by our culture to defend homosexuality is that people are born with their sexual orientation. In Christianity, those espousing a pro-gay theology oftentimes declare, “God made me this way.” In both cases, the claim is that you cannot fault someone for being born the way they are, and therefore homosexual behavior should be embraced and valued every bit as much as heterosexuality.
Homosexuality aside for a moment, I’d like to assert that Lady Gaga can sing “Born This Way” all she’d like, but the argument itself doesn’t stick.
This fact is becoming especially relevant today because we are now beginning to see the argument utilized to justify many other behaviors, with the most recent being pedophilia. Christian commentators have said for a long time that we would go down this road, but they were crucified in the media for suggesting it.
But really, did anyone doubt this would happen?
Okay, let’s pause here. First, he is confusing sexual orientation with sexual behavior. Second, he’s conflating homosexuality with pedophilia. We’ve seen through decades of studies that the overwhelming majority of pedophiles are NOT gay — most are married, most are sexually and romantically attracted to adult members of the opposite sex, and most commit crimes against minors because they are in trusted positions of authority (teachers, coaches, ministers, doctors, cops, adult relatives, etc.); that is, most sex crimes against minors are crimes of opportunity. This is old news, I don’t need to dig up the numbers for this garbage any more. The point is that introducing pedophilia into a discussion about same-sex marriage, or homosexuality in general, is a red herring and not worth chasing after.
Okay, continuing on….
Why the Argument Fails in General
Whether someone is born a homosexual or not is a debate that continues to rage with “experts” on both sides producing data and studies that supposedly solidify their position. Personally, I think the debate is somewhat irrelevant for the following reason:
Being born with certain behavioral predispositions does not equate to those desires being good, moral, and right in the eyes of God.
For example, I wasn’t born monogamous. I truly wish I was, but sadly, I wasn’t. My natural inclinations and drives are aimed at having sex with women, and truth be told, with multiple partners if possible.
I also wasn’t born patient. Instead, I was born naturally impatient.
And prone to outbursts of anger.
And a liar.
I was born with all of these things and more. These traits and desires come to me naturally, are quite strong, and are very easy for me to live with in lots of ways.
If you want to see many of these sinful behaviors in full bloom, you needn’t look any further than the nearest three-year old child, who will be only too happy to demonstrate them when you don’t give them what they want or if you take something away from them. This may be why Reinhold Neibuhr has gone so far as to argue that, “The doctrine of original sin is the only empirically verifiable doctrine of the Christian faith.”
Yet, each one of these natural tendencies is something every responsible parent works hard at changing in their child, and that each responsible adult should work hard at removing from their life.
This is why the “born that way” argument fails in general. Its implicit foundation is flawed because it assumes that if a person is born with a particular inclination towards a behavior, then it must be moral and good. That just isn’t true.
See what he did there? He reduced sexual orientation into nothing more than a behavior, completely ignoring all the other aspects of what it means. And he likens it to impatience, selfishness, lying, greed, and he could like it to just about any other violations of the social contract. In order to function in society, you don’t lie, you don’t beat up everybody you disagree with, you don’t kill, you don’t steal. And parents are right to train their child these things are unacceptable.
His argument fails because he fails to recognize the thing he admitted: he said he wasn’t born to be monogamous, and admits he is attracted to other women. Most of us, gay or straight are attracted to several people in the course of our lives, sometimes several times a week. But the fact that he is attracted to WOMEN, by his nature, indicates his sexual orientation is heterosexual. And that is the majority position. But IT IS NOT THE ONLY POSITION.
Gay men are NOT sexually, emotionally, romantically attracted to women. I was married 9.5 years and never felt sexually or romantically attracted to my wife. I’m intelligent and I learned a skill so that I could ‘pass’, but it did not change who I was. I have never been attracted to females in the same way I am attracted to males. And just like that guy is probably not attracted to EVERY woman he meets, gay men are not attracted to every guy we meet, and we don’t try to sleep with all the guys that we do find attractive.
The difference between all those violations of the social contract and sexual orientation is that when you violate the social contract you hurt someone else in one way or another; you take away from their lives. Loving someone, wanting to share you life with someone, wanting to build a home and a future with someone is NOT a crime and does not in any way violate the social contract. When two people fall in love they aren’t stealing from someone else who might think they own the other person (discounting the people who cheat on their spouses, but that’s a different issue). No woman is missing out on anything if I happen to fall in love with another guy, because neither I nor the other guy is interested in the woman.
It is normal and natural to want to have someone to share your life with, to be attracted to someone and to have someone be attracted to you.
Contrary to that guy’s claim, parents should NOT trying to fuck around and deny their child’s natural sexual orientation. All the relevant science says that will damage the child and will not help at all.
A lot of Christians like to think they are being “tolerant” and “understanding” by saying you can’t help what you feel, but you should not act on those feelings. And then they bring up those same stupid social contract violations like this guy did. IT IS NOT THE SAME THING. Sexual orientation is pretty much hard wired into a person and is not chosen. I knew before starting school, as did most gay men I’ve ever talked to. There’s no choice in the matter.
And there is no rational way to justify telling a gay or lesbian person not to act on their own native, natural sexual orientation. You cannot tell someone that just because of some people’s interpretation of an ancient book, gay and lesbian people aren’t allowed to want a loving committed relationship or shouldn’t have such a relationship. The book has no authority, and no reputable science behind it.
Common sense and a clear head indicate that basic precautions for straight people also apply to gay and lesbian people: safe sex, no casual/anonymous sex, no tramping about with a dozen partners.
Promiscuity, unregulated prostitution, mixing drugs/alcohol with sex, and other BEHAVIORS can certainly lead to problems, but those behaviors and those consequences are not specific to gays and lesbians — they are problems among every demographic in society.
Being gay is not a “behavior”, and having gay sex is not a problem on its own, preferably in the context of a committed relationship. It is what you do with it, how you conduct yourself and how you treat your partner that matters.
And really, whether we are “born this way” DOES NOT MATTER. The fact that we ARE THIS WAY is all that counts, and we WILL continue the fight until we are treated as equals in society. We did not choose to be gay, but religious idiots choose to bury their head in the Bible while ignoring the reality that exists in the world we live in. Until they get their heads out of the Bible, they have nothing to say about the topic because the Bible is not relevant to everyone, and their interpretation of the Bible is not even relevant to all Christians, so why should it matter at all to anyone who does not believe in the Bible at all?